Archive | 17:22

Spanish Fly

17 Feb

Saturday was going home day.  Alison and I tidied, cleaned and shut up the villa after a brunch of bacon, egg, beans, sausage and baguette.  We returned the neighbours’ much-loved oil heaters, and then it was time for Lyn & Sue, who were staying a little longer, to drive us to the airport, via another beach and bar.

The barman didn’t speak English so Alison had to use sign language to indicate that the first glasses he brought out were too puny.  And the second.  The third lot of glasses satisfied her stringent requirements; I almost fell into mine.

We arrived at the airport in good time: enough for me to be prepared, but not enough time for reflection i.e. panic.  The Ryanair gate queue had formed by the time we got there.  Boarding was slower than on the outward flight, but better organised: people were allowed on two at a time.  The problem this time was not the crush, but the flush – it is still winter in Spain and the heating was on in the airport.  The disadvantage of cheap flights is the one piece of hand luggage rule: you wear anything you can’t carry in your bag.  I was layered up with shirt, cardigan, jacket, scarf & gloves; I was topped up with one rather large glass of wine; I was anxious about flying.  How I didn’t pass out, I’ll never know.

Once in my seat I couldn’t wait to take off, because I knew they’d be serving drinks soon after.  I bought a bottle of water and I had finished it before the steward had taken Alison’s order.  I spent most of the flight walking up and down to the toilet.  A big step for me, because I usually cross my legs on short haul journeys – normally, nothing short of gastroenteritis gets me to unbuckle my seat belt.  I am one of the few people who actually listens to the safety message; watches the steward mime, and studies the safety card.  I count the number of rows from my seat to the nearest emergency exit, and calculate the number of heads I may have to step on if I climb over the top of the seats instead of crawling on the floor (in the unlikely event of fire on board).  I know where the life jackets are stored and always make a mental note to clip it into place before inflating.  When travelling with children, I am probably one of the few parents who likes the idea of putting on my own oxygen mask first.  I’ll tell you this much: if I die in a plane crash, it won’t be because I wasn’t paying attention.

Hub, Spud and dogs were waiting at home for me, and we swapped gifts: I brought them Spanish eats and they had been shopping while I was away and filled the freezer with all kinds of marked-down goodies, like steak, joints, fish and pork.  It was nice to come home to some good British food.

I have spoiled you with lots of photos, but here are a few more:

 

Joke 330

17 Feb

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James was drafted into the Army.

On his first day of basic training, the Army issued him with a comb. That afternoon the Army barber shaved off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman with a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist pulled out seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued Herman with a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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