Archive | 17:05
21 Feb

This is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. But that woman doesn’t deserve that cat.

Kitty Bloger

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Hooray For Reblogs And Brothers

21 Feb

I have nothing to write about today, so I trawled my archives again.  I don’t feel it’s cheating because nobody was reading me back when I first started blogging.

I have two brothers; at some point in their lives they have both looked like Freddie Mercury channelling The Village People.

Little Brother: He’s going to kill me for showing this picture. 

Big and Little Brother: Pool balls-in-waiting.

I’m going to talk about Little Brother today.  He is two years younger than me but has no respect for me at all.  A typical conversation:

 

Tilly Bud: I asked you to buy the toilet rolls; now please let me pay for them.

Little Brother: Get lost, knobhead.

TB: Oh, come on; please.

LB: Just think of me every time you wipe your bum.

TB: I already do.

TB&LB: Raucous laughter.

*

He’s not bad, actually.  The boys and I stayed with him a few years ago and wrecked his house, and he was nice about it.  Not wrecked, exactly; more like semi-demolished.  We were there three weeks and broke his spare toilet, one window, a couple of glasses, a packet of sausages, an old book, some magazines, the garage door and a lounge wall (which was really just slightly damaged due to a dirty great hand print and footprint, causing it to need re-painting).  I may also have cost him some customers because I didn’t know how to work his phone and accidentally blocked all callers for a day and a half.  Finally, there was the large orange juice stain on the carpet that he knows nothing about: I was able to clean most of it up and move a sideboard to hide the rest before he came home.

He thinks I’m not too bad, either; if a little nuts.  The best thing about him is that he is the father of my Niece and Nephew.  They are adorable – and that’s not auntie’s bias, because I am always prepared to dislike children at the first opportunity.  Particularly my own…when they put dirty great hand and footprints on walls in homes in which we are guests, break toilets and windows, and leave orange juice stains lying around.

I am actually rather proud of him.  He is a retired South African Doubles Snooker Champion (the freak’s outfit in the first photo refers); and his children love me.  He must have done something right.

Joke 334

21 Feb

A man walked along a Californian beach and he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, “OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”

The man sat and thought  about it for a while and eventually said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared  to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive  over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel! No, think of another wish.”

The man tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women…know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment…know why they’re crying…know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’…know how to make them truly happy…”

The genie asked, “Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?”

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