Archive | 12:50

Repair In Haste; Repent At Leisure

24 Feb
Ripples of tapwater over a plughole

Image via Wikipedia

I am easy made queasy: watching people vomit on tv, or even brush their teeth – all that disgusting foam; it’s why I threw away my electric toothbrush – turns my stomach.  I had been married six years before I was able to scrape off a dinner plate with my eyes open (once a baby takes over, disgusting becomes a habit).

Emptying a plughole is beyond me; the Hub has to do it.   In the kitchen, at least.  Because a strange thing happened when we became poor – I could not afford to visit the hairdresser ergo my hair grew ergo the bath plughole frequently becomes blocked.  I know how horrible it is to take hair out of a plughole but the Hub’s CFS/ME means that sometimes he is just not able to do the job and I can only take so many showers with scum floating around my ankles: I had to swallow my distaste and man up.

The Hub keeps a sharp knife in the bathroom and I learned to operate it with my eyes closed, and to mop up the hair with a bit of toilet paper.  In fact, I have learned to do it with my eyes open.  Like Samson, all along, my strength was in my hair.

My hair is strong these days: in recent weeks, even cutting it out every day has not unblocked the plughole; there is too much hair underneath, in the outlet pipe.  I asked the Hub several hundred times to do something but he is unwell and I didn’t want to nag, so yesterday I set to with the essential bathroom tool – the earbud.  I prodded and poked, stabbed and yanked, wielded and wefted, but nothing.  That old and stubborn hair refused to be set free.

Then I noticed…the plughole was attached to the outlet pipe by a screw.  I can unscrew a screw; I know the difference between a flathead and Phillips screwdriver (are you impressed?); I could see a flathead screwdriver was needed and the Hub keeps just such a tool in the bathroom (I’m afraid to ask why).  It was a simple matter to unscrew the plughole screw and remove the – thunk!  What was that?

That was the outlet pipe coming away from the plughole and taking up residency in another room, far away.  As far away as me from a tv screen showing an after-drinking session.  Erm, oops… was my first response.  My second response was to call the Hub, in the smallest voice I could manage, begging him not to yell at me and to fix my massive-but-I-wanted-to-save-you-a-job-mistake.

The Hub is my hero.  He dragged his pain-filled body upstairs, fixed the bath, removed the hair gunk, banned me from all future unscrewing without his permission in triplicate and carved into my ear, and didn’t yell at me.  He did tell me off about using earbuds near plugholes, however: did you know that they can fall through the gaps and block the outlet pipes so that Hubs might have to take the whole thing apart again?  The Hub is such a know-it-all.

I’ll misquote Danny Driscoll from Only Fools & Horses to state the handyman position as it stands in the Tilly Bud household from now on: when it comes to repairs, the Hub does the thinking; I don’t.

Joke 337

24 Feb

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.

The male students wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The female students wrote: “Woman: without her, man is nothing.”

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