Archive | 10:56

I Have To Kill My Kindle

8 Mar
English: Third generation Amazon Kindle

Image via Wikipedia

I am reading so much, I can’t get any writing done.  They say you can’t be a decent writer if you don’t read: by that reckoning, I’m next year’s Literature Nobel Laureate…if I had actually written anything.

So, here’s a reblog of an old post, chosen because it allows me to find a new photo of an old favourite to illustrate it.

Will Smith: An Apology

Dear Will, I’m sorry we are both happily married
to other people because, with your ears and my
size we’d have been perfect for a remake of ‘Dumbo’. 

Love, Tilly Bud.

I love Will Smith; he’s a natural actor and incredibly funny.  I declare today

Will Smith Day

for no other reason than it gives me an excuse to think about him.  I loved him in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  I didn’t know then that he was a rap star and I often wondered about the funny little fellow who couldn’t act who kept making guest appearances, who turned out to be DJ Jazzy Jeff, his rap partner. 

My two favourite movie lines of all time are Will Smith’s in Independence Day, and they both occur in the scene where he and Jeff Goldblum are attempting to plant the virus that will wipe out the alien invaders:

We have got to work on our communication!  (with the accompanying two fingers to the eyes gesture)


I ain’t heard no fat lady! (throwing away the Victory Dance)

 Doesn’t sound interesting flat on the screen like that, I know; it is definitely one of those moments where you had to be there.  Like Frank Carson, it’s the way he tells ‘em.   If you haven’t seen Independence Day – what is wrong with you?  I have seen it about twenty times.

Do you know what?  I have seen Independence Day about twenty times and it has just occurred to me: what happened to the dog?  Remember how Jasmine risked her and her son’s lives to call Boomer in the tunnel when Los Angeles was being blown up?  And he was in the truck when she was driving around saving what was left of the population.  Boyfriend turns up to rescue her and all of a sudden – no dog.  He’s never seen again in the movie.

Does anyone know if Will Smith claims to be vegetarian…?

I saw Mr Smith in an interview and he described how, after his first record went platinum or he won Grammy awards or something, he went home and told his Mom and she said, ‘Yes, very nice, now go and get some milk; we’ve run out.’   With a mother like that no wonder he’s grounded.

I’m thinking of asking Will to star in my forthcoming movie.  Plot: large blonde dogs band together and betray forgetful humanity to an alien species. 

I call it Independence Day: Boomer’s Revenge

Tagline: The Day The Dogs Bite Back.

Joke 350

8 Mar

What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?

Ground Beef.


Use of cows in Gary Larson's Far Side books

%d bloggers like this: