Archive | 11:53

Wasp Season

23 Mar
Tap dancing class in the gymnasium at Iowa Sta...

Tap dancing class in the gymnasium at Iowa State College. Ames, Iowa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Three momentous events occurred this week: I saw a fly on Tuesday; Molly dog went out without a coat on Wednesday; I hung washing out to dry yesterday.

Spring is here. 

That’s it: no more perfume until November.

I never wear perfume in warm weather; wasps like it too much.  They like it so much, they take chunks out of me while drinking it.  They’re not insects, they’re vampires.  Nice-smelling vampires (I only like expensive stuff), but vampires all the same.

I should have learned my lesson years ago: I stopped wearing hairspray at eleven when a swarm of at least three wasps took a liking to my head during my public tap dancing days.  You ain’t seen nuthin’ till you’ve seen an eleven year old flapper on stage, actually flapping during a heartfelt and slightly off-key rendition of Secondhand Rose.

Here in the UK we have been promised a drought (again), which means more insects (again).

I’ll see you in October.  I’ll be the one smelling divine in a hat.

Joke 365

23 Mar

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral.

“Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank’s doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back.

“That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest,” the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away.

“Wait, sir,” the loan officer says. “You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?”  

The man smiles. “Where else could I find a safe place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?”

%d bloggers like this: