Archive | 14:33

F Is For ‘Freshly Pressed’

3 Apr

Which I have never been, in three years of blogging.

[UPDATE: Laurie makes an excellent point – not everyone knows what I’m talking about.  Story of my life.  To be Freshly Pressed is to have a post appear on the front page when you sign out of WordPress.  It leads to a massive hits bump.]


WordPress (Photo credit: Adriano Gasparri)

I’ve been freshly squeezed, by the Hub, back when I was round and firm and orange (we didn’t use sunblock in the Eighties).

I’ve been fresh-faced, back when I was young and round and firm (no matter our ignorance of UV rays, we knew how to say ‘no’ in the Eighties).

I’ve had fresh starts – in South Africa, and then back in the UK.  We knew how to emigrate in the Eighties.

I’ve been a breath of fresh air, before I discovered garlic and my teeth went manky.

I’ve been as a fresh as a daisy, if  ‘Daisy’ is a cow and ‘methane’ is your preferred definition of ‘fresh’.

I was once fresh to the Hub, when we’d been married ten years and I realised it was okay to be saucy upon occasion.

But I have never been Freshly Pressed.

Perhaps it’s because there are 419,999 bloggers on WordPress, who have written 848,252 new posts, or 181,430,211 words.  And that’s just today.

I think the WordPress people stopped reading my blog round about the time I started making fun of them: I took part in postaday2011, and WordPress generously provided 365 prompts to get me writing.  Some examples:

  • Would you rather have have the ability to slow down time whenever you want, or to speed it up?  Only when I’m answering daft daft prompts.
  • What skill would you most like to learn in 2012?  How to say ‘no’ to ridiculous WordPress prompts.
  • Why is there evil in the world?  To prompt WordPress prompters into asking questions I really don’t want to have to answer.
  • Explain the difference between socialism, communism and anarachy.  Socialism: The government tells you what to do but lets you think it was your choice.  Communism: The government tells you what to do and gives you no choice.  Anarachy: What happens when WordPress prompters are permitted to do their own spelling.

And here’s my favourite response to one prompt:

Do you think it’s ethical to use unmanned drones in war?

Yes.  Do you know how hard it is to mount a grown man on a bee?

Why on earth would they not want to Freshly Press that?

Every poke has its price.  You have been warned.


If you enjoy daft answers to daft questions, click on WordPress Prompts in my tag cloud (to the right and scroll down).

Joke 376

3 Apr
Deutsch: Hintertatze eines Eisbärs im Karlsruh...

Deutsch: Hintertatze eines Eisbärs im Karlsruher Zoo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks to Debbie in London for this joke.

A bear walks into a bar and says, ‘………………………………………………………’

The barman asks, ‘Why the big pause?’

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