F Is For ‘Freshly Pressed’

3 Apr

Which I have never been, in three years of blogging.

[UPDATE: Laurie makes an excellent point – not everyone knows what I’m talking about.  Story of my life.  To be Freshly Pressed is to have a post appear on the front page when you sign out of WordPress.  It leads to a massive hits bump.]

WordPress

WordPress (Photo credit: Adriano Gasparri)

I’ve been freshly squeezed, by the Hub, back when I was round and firm and orange (we didn’t use sunblock in the Eighties).

I’ve been fresh-faced, back when I was young and round and firm (no matter our ignorance of UV rays, we knew how to say ‘no’ in the Eighties).

I’ve had fresh starts – in South Africa, and then back in the UK.  We knew how to emigrate in the Eighties.

I’ve been a breath of fresh air, before I discovered garlic and my teeth went manky.

I’ve been as a fresh as a daisy, if  ‘Daisy’ is a cow and ‘methane’ is your preferred definition of ‘fresh’.

I was once fresh to the Hub, when we’d been married ten years and I realised it was okay to be saucy upon occasion.

But I have never been Freshly Pressed.

Perhaps it’s because there are 419,999 bloggers on WordPress, who have written 848,252 new posts, or 181,430,211 words.  And that’s just today.

I think the WordPress people stopped reading my blog round about the time I started making fun of them: I took part in postaday2011, and WordPress generously provided 365 prompts to get me writing.  Some examples:

  • Would you rather have have the ability to slow down time whenever you want, or to speed it up?  Only when I’m answering daft daft prompts.
  • What skill would you most like to learn in 2012?  How to say ‘no’ to ridiculous WordPress prompts.
  • Why is there evil in the world?  To prompt WordPress prompters into asking questions I really don’t want to have to answer.
  • Explain the difference between socialism, communism and anarachy.  Socialism: The government tells you what to do but lets you think it was your choice.  Communism: The government tells you what to do and gives you no choice.  Anarachy: What happens when WordPress prompters are permitted to do their own spelling.

And here’s my favourite response to one prompt:

Do you think it’s ethical to use unmanned drones in war?

Yes.  Do you know how hard it is to mount a grown man on a bee?

Why on earth would they not want to Freshly Press that?

Every poke has its price.  You have been warned.

*

If you enjoy daft answers to daft questions, click on WordPress Prompts in my tag cloud (to the right and scroll down).

52 Responses to “F Is For ‘Freshly Pressed’”

  1. laurieanichols April 3, 2012 at 14:43 #

    I like all the different ways that you have been pressed, lol. I don’t know what freshly pressed means and I’m sure that I haven’t been as well. Now I remember why I mourned the loss of WordPress dailypost prompts, your answers. At first I missed the help a prompt gave me to write about something. Now that I have gotten over the need to get kicked into writing by someone else, I really miss your poking fun at them. Good times, they were.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:30 #

      Thanks for pointing out the obvious, which I missed 🙂

      Like

  2. roughseasinthemed April 3, 2012 at 14:53 #

    I thought you were somewhat pressed with one of your posts. About ‘leaving’? That’s where I found you from anyway.
    I also thought for a minute you were doing the A-Z challenge but as you havent done A-E I figure you are not. Phew.
    i didn’t contribute much to the wp methane today, a mere few hundred words 🙂

    Like

  3. vivinfrance April 3, 2012 at 14:53 #

    I was freshly pressed once – it resulted in hundreds of hits before breakfast! But I don’t log out of Word Press, so perhaps that’s why it’s never happened again.

    Like

  4. Helen Cherry April 3, 2012 at 15:11 #

    ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! Tilly… you deserve to be freshly pressed just for this alone!

    Like

  5. robincoyle April 3, 2012 at 15:15 #

    You will always be “Fresh Pressed” to me.

    Like

  6. jbmumofone April 3, 2012 at 15:39 #

    The Anarachy reply is just genius!

    Like

  7. judithatwood April 3, 2012 at 15:59 #

    Terrific, as always! They don’t know what they’re missing!

    Like

  8. thehappyhugger April 3, 2012 at 17:03 #

    They really should “freshly press” you 🙂
    *hugs*

    Like

  9. benzeknees April 3, 2012 at 17:47 #

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed – well deserved! Your prize – 100 Malteasers!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:47 #

      Thank you! And you lose 100 Maltesers – for not paying attention 🙂

      I haven’t been Freshly Pressed 😀 😀

      Like

  10. artjen1971 April 3, 2012 at 19:11 #

    It’s not Freshly Pressed, but i’ve nominated you for two awards!! Check ’em out! http://thedonovanboys.com/awards-ii/

    Like

  11. sanstorm April 3, 2012 at 19:17 #

    I miss the prompts.

    Like

  12. Tom (Aquatom1968) April 3, 2012 at 20:14 #

    I remember that anarachy Tilly! Very funny! 😀
    I may have said this before, but I don’t think I would like to be Freshly Pressed; it seems like too much hassle, and imagine the stats!

    Like

  13. SchmidleysScribbling April 3, 2012 at 20:33 #

    Those prompts are pretty daft. I wonder how many people had a argument over the “unmanned drones”? Dianne

    Like

  14. Aspergers Girls April 3, 2012 at 21:49 #

    Funny and witty!

    Like

  15. kateshrewsday April 3, 2012 at 21:51 #

    I, too, have never been freshly pressed, Tilly: I have concluded that they have a ‘Type’ they are looking for and I’m not it. I guess it all depends on the age and inclinations of the person sifting the WP posts too.

    I wish you speedy discovery 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:52 #

      Shocking that you’ve never been FPed, Kate.

      Like

  16. Maggie L R April 3, 2012 at 22:21 #

    Great post, well deserving of the Freshly Pressed status. I love your sense of humour… you always give me a laugh. I appreciate that.. so I keep coming back.
    I have been FP once. I think it has to do with the titles of our posts. Think of something that will draw them to looking. anyway, the attention is fleeting. I had over 3000 hits one day , around a thousand the next ..then poof… back to normal.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:53 #

      I always try to have interesting titles. I know one problem is that they are usually too long 🙂

      Like

  17. Viciously Sweet April 3, 2012 at 23:03 #

    Maybe someday you will be with the fancy people on the front page! Until then we appreciate your humor and sweetness!
    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

    Like

  18. introvertedblogger April 4, 2012 at 01:42 #

    Freshly pressed sounds painful.

    You may not have been pressed but you have been fantastic and here is something because I love reading your blog.
    I have nominated you for the sunshine award. It’s a nice gentle thing. It hardly hurt at all. http://introvertedblogger.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/the-sunshine-award/

    Like

  19. springfieldfem April 4, 2012 at 02:01 #

    Will you just adopt me? Hahaha!

    Like

  20. jmgoyder April 4, 2012 at 02:39 #

    It’s only a matter of time….

    Like

  21. Perfecting Motherhood April 4, 2012 at 06:03 #

    I think the Freshly Pressed selections are completely random, just like lottery. I’ve never won anything at the lottery so I don’t expect to be freshly pressed either.

    As for the WP prompts, I hope you don’t stop making fun of them. Your answers are priceless!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:58 #

      I won’t; but they’ve stopped sending them 😦

      Like

  22. Elaine April 4, 2012 at 09:01 #

    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
    I wish they’d bring back the daily prompts – your answers were so funny.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 4, 2012 at 11:58 #

      Another one who needs to go to the back of the class 🙂

      I haven’t been Freshly Pressed, I’m afraid 😦

      Like

  23. bluebee April 4, 2012 at 11:40 #

    You are one funny lady and deserve to be freshly pressed (I don’t care – I can’t eat them anyway…)

    Like

  24. Jodie April 4, 2012 at 14:50 #

    I wonder if WP stopped doing the prompts because of your answers to them? Lol, wouldn’t that be hilarious, and sad at the same time. Oh well, maybe we should give you prompts to entertain us with. 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 5, 2012 at 09:42 #

      But I could never insult my readers, you dope!

      Hehe!

      Actually, that’s not a bad idea.

      Like

      • Jodie April 6, 2012 at 01:56 #

        Lol, but your readers should know what they are getting themselves into.

        Like

        • Tilly Bud April 6, 2012 at 16:32 #

          Yet still they come…

          Like

          • Jodie April 6, 2012 at 18:17 #

            Lol you must be doing something right, or really really wrong. Lol either way keep it up. 🙂

            Like

  25. Al April 4, 2012 at 21:07 #

    That you haven’t been “Freshly Pressed” is nothing short of a miscarriage of justice. It seems you are destined to be “Anciently Wrinkled” along with me. Life is cruel.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 5, 2012 at 09:59 #

      Life may be cruel but at least you are amusing to compensate 🙂

      Like

  26. evilnymphstuff April 5, 2012 at 17:23 #

    Never been Freshly pressed either!
    Your posts are always so hilarious! I’d love to read some of your secrets one day about this talent of yours 😉

    Like

  27. Huffygirl April 7, 2012 at 03:32 #

    Congratulations – but which post was Freshly Pressed? I must have missed it, even though I check it religiously, hoping to see one of my own there!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 9, 2012 at 11:50 #

      Another one caught out!

      I wasn’t FPed; I’m just writing about it 🙂

      Like

  28. eof737 April 18, 2012 at 18:48 #

    Some day Tills, some day… 😉

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. WordPress Please Help Me!!!! | Inspired Vision - April 6, 2012

    […] F Is For ‘Freshly Pressed’ (thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com) […]

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