F Is For ‘Freshly Pressed’

Which I have never been, in three years of blogging.

[UPDATE: Laurie makes an excellent point – not everyone knows what I’m talking about.  Story of my life.  To be Freshly Pressed is to have a post appear on the front page when you sign out of WordPress.  It leads to a massive hits bump.]

WordPress (Photo credit: Adriano Gasparri)

I’ve been freshly squeezed, by the Hub, back when I was round and firm and orange (we didn’t use sunblock in the Eighties).

I’ve been fresh-faced, back when I was young and round and firm (no matter our ignorance of UV rays, we knew how to say ‘no’ in the Eighties).

I’ve had fresh starts – in South Africa, and then back in the UK.  We knew how to emigrate in the Eighties.

I’ve been a breath of fresh air, before I discovered garlic and my teeth went manky.

I’ve been as a fresh as a daisy, if  ‘Daisy’ is a cow and ‘methane’ is your preferred definition of ‘fresh’.

I was once fresh to the Hub, when we’d been married ten years and I realised it was okay to be saucy upon occasion.

But I have never been Freshly Pressed.

Perhaps it’s because there are 419,999 bloggers on WordPress, who have written 848,252 new posts, or 181,430,211 words.  And that’s just today.

I think the WordPress people stopped reading my blog round about the time I started making fun of them: I took part in postaday2011, and WordPress generously provided 365 prompts to get me writing.  Some examples:

• Would you rather have have the ability to slow down time whenever you want, or to speed it up?  Only when I’m answering daft daft prompts.
• What skill would you most like to learn in 2012?  How to say ‘no’ to ridiculous WordPress prompts.
• Why is there evil in the world?  To prompt WordPress prompters into asking questions I really don’t want to have to answer.
• Explain the difference between socialism, communism and anarachy.  Socialism: The government tells you what to do but lets you think it was your choice.  Communism: The government tells you what to do and gives you no choice.  Anarachy: What happens when WordPress prompters are permitted to do their own spelling.

And here’s my favourite response to one prompt:

Do you think it’s ethical to use unmanned drones in war?

Yes.  Do you know how hard it is to mount a grown man on a bee?

Why on earth would they not want to Freshly Press that?

Every poke has its price.  You have been warned.

*

If you enjoy daft answers to daft questions, click on WordPress Prompts in my tag cloud (to the right and scroll down).