Joke 395

22 Apr

This came from a chain email.

Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

Only in America…do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America…do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage.

Only in America…do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won’t miss a call from someone they didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America…do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight (actually, that happens in the UK as well).

Only in America…do they use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.

Only in America…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Physical and Political map of North America

Physical and Political map of North America (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I soooooooooooooo want to visit America.  And that’s no joke.

32 Responses to “Joke 395”

  1. judithatwood April 22, 2012 at 04:43 #

    Come visit! You can stay here for the first few days, and then move on to other U.S. followers. We’d all love to have you here!


    • Tilly Bud April 22, 2012 at 11:42 #

      Now that’s an idea! The Hub and I would love to do the driving a tourer across America thing, so maybe one day…


  2. terry1954 April 22, 2012 at 04:46 #

    those were real good! thanks for sharing


  3. vivinfrance April 22, 2012 at 05:39 #

    The ATM machine one was the funniest for me, but every one’s a gem.


    • vivinfrance April 22, 2012 at 05:41 #

      PS and the many bloodsuckers, but I think that applies to politicians the world over.


  4. adinparadise April 22, 2012 at 08:04 #

    Very funny, but I do love America. 😉


  5. benzeknees April 22, 2012 at 08:31 #

    Unfortunately, a lot of these apply to Canada as well. Although we have laws in place now so you cannot buy cigarettes in a place where you buy your prescriptions anymore. So now the sick can walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while the healthy can buy their candy & rag mags up at the front.


  6. Tinman April 22, 2012 at 11:35 #

    I understand the driveway/garage thing, to be fair. After all, you can’t put your car in the garage and 22 crusted-over paint-tins, and old table-tennis table and a garden hose with fifteen knots in it in your driveway, now can you?


  7. grannymar April 22, 2012 at 11:35 #

    Maybe I should tease some of my US friends with this!


  8. lanceleuven April 22, 2012 at 12:00 #

    I was told about the Braille ATM one recently by a fellow blogger. It reminded me about the fact that our local buses used to have Braille on the bells, which I always found a little confusing. It seemed that unless there was an announcement about which stop was next it remained a fairly ineffective gesture. The irony being that the latest fleet of buses do have an audio announcement of the upcoming stop, but of course the bells no longer have the Braille.

    The bus company giveth and the bus company taketh away…


    • Tilly Bud April 23, 2012 at 14:13 #

      Good grief!

      Do these people never consult with people who might actually use the service?

      Thanks for that; it was interesting.


  9. mairedubhtx April 22, 2012 at 13:00 #

    I loved Politics. My favorite.


  10. Pseu April 22, 2012 at 13:19 #

    Ackershally, several of these could be ‘not only in America’


  11. rumpydog April 22, 2012 at 13:47 #

    The best part is they are ALL true! woo woo woo!


  12. viveka April 22, 2012 at 16:16 #

    Not only America do we buy diet cook with our burgers … not only in America is bank vaults open and the pens secured to the counter – but it’s funny. *smile – like the one about the ATM … especially! .


  13. slpmartin April 22, 2012 at 16:21 #

    Hmm…I have requested that Homeland Security investigate your website. 🙂


  14. robincoyle April 22, 2012 at 21:31 #

    A chain email with no death threats if you don’t forward it?


  15. Jodie April 22, 2012 at 23:58 #

    yes yes, we are an, err. interesting? bunch. 🙂 (btw there are those of us who question the whole brail on the Drive-up ATM thing also) 🙂


  16. introvertedblogger April 23, 2012 at 04:30 #

    Oh me too, me too. I want to visit so bad. I saw an “only in America” poster today that had a picture of a fitness centre and everyone riding up escalators to get to it while the stairs in the middle were empty. Laughed so hard, but it’s true of us in Australia too. Still want to visit, so badddddd!!!


    • Tilly Bud April 23, 2012 at 15:27 #

      I am an unashamed Yankophile. I’m dying to get there 🙂


  17. Perfecting Motherhood April 23, 2012 at 06:56 #

    Oh my gosh, this is hilarious and ALL TRUE!!!
    If you ever come to the US, you have a place to stay in San Diego. You should do a road trip one day, crashing from one couch to the next. I know a couple in the 50s who do this around the world. It’s pretty wild…


    • Tilly Bud April 23, 2012 at 15:29 #

      Thank you! If we ever get the funds together to get there, I will write a post begging for a couch a night 🙂


  18. sarsm April 23, 2012 at 10:42 #

    I think the pizza/ambulance one definitely applies in Scotland too. 😉


  19. evilnymphstuff April 25, 2012 at 03:18 #

    I’m sharing the same dream! 😀


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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