I’ve Been Here Beefore

24 Apr

I am still working on my project but not today, because I’ve been out all morning and I’m going out again tonight.  I can’t leave you with nothing so I offer you a re-hashed something which I hope is better than nothing.  This is an edited repost of two previous posts from a couple of years ago.  I wrote a poem about bees which is on my other blog, and people seemed to like it, leading me to conclude that bees are maybe not bad, after all, possibly. 

And it took me so long to write that introduction, I could have written something original.  Ah well.

"What does the letter "A" have ...

"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?" ~ They both have Bees coming after them~ (Photo credit: turtlemom4bacon)

I have had some bee issues this weekend, as in, what be you doing here in my house, bee?  The same bee tried four times to park in our bathroom.  The Hub put it out each time and closed the window after the fourth time – just what you want on a warm spring day: a closed toilet window….  Even as I had my bath I could hear it buzzing for entry.  The Hub said it also tried the bedroom window but was defeated by the net curtain.

I think bees and ants send out scouts, looking for a place to set up home and terrify the residents, like gangs moving into the hood.  I was lying in the bath thinking about this and wondering if other unmentionable insects – unmentionable because it gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about them – do the same thing, when I felt one touch me and I shot straight up out of the water, finding myself balancing on the shower curtain and gazing down on a giggling sponge.

We are not allowed to kill any insects in this house except flies, which is hard on my-flesh-crawls-easy me.  One day it might come down to a straight choice between the Hub and a tin of insect repellant.  If I haven’t had enough sleep, he’s in big trouble.

The bee came back. It came in through the bathroom window, had a look around, disdained the decor, and left. It did the same thing the next morning.

I’m not sure my nerves can take it. In the spirit of know your enemy, therefore, I looked up some bee facts:

  • Bees have five eyes.  As if they’re not weird enough.
  • Life expectancy is 28-35 days, so I may have another month of this.
  • Honey is nectar that bees have repeatedly regurgitated and dehydrated.  Bet that puts you off your breakfast.
  • In her whole lifetime (it is always a her) a worker bee will produce only 1/12th of a teaspoon of honey. Makes you wonder why she bothers.
  • A bee is not born knowing how to make honey.  She goes to bee school to learn.  She’s usually average – never obtaining more than a…you know what I’m going to say, don’t you?
  • It would take around 1100 bee stings to cause the average human being to die.  I find that strangely comforting.
  • Honey bees have hairy eyes.  Eww!  Just eww!
  • Honey never goes off.  A jar of 2000-year-old honey in an Egyptian tomb was said to taste delicious.  No one complained – no sell-by dates in those days.
  • Bees vote on when to swarm or which food source to concentrate on, and they vote by moving nearer the proposer they support.  Proportional Representation by any other name would smell as sweet.
  • It is against the law to kill a bumble bee in Britain.  Punishable by a fine in the UK; and by divorce in this house.
  • Ancient Rome’s tax system was paid in honey, not money.   I like it; we should do that here.  Call it a sweetener.
  • Bees don’t snore.  If ever there was a reason to love bees and not husbands, this is it.
  • Male drone bees do no work and spend their time copulating.  Some things never change.
Honey

Honey (Photo credit: quisnovus)

*

I was woken by the Hub’s noxious nasal activity at about four this morning.  Instead of tossing or turning or throttling him, I got into Tory Boy’s empty bed and went straight back to sleep…to sleep, perchance to dream; aye, there’s the Hub.

I am beginning to suspect there’s a connection between the bee and the snoring; think about it: bzzzzz/zzzzzz…I bet the bee is lost and thinks it can hear the hive in the distance….

*

39 Responses to “I’ve Been Here Beefore”

  1. laurieanichols April 24, 2012 at 14:28 #

    I liked the bees facts, figures that the females do all the work. My hubby hates insects as much as I do but I have to get rid of them because my hubby can’t, the same goes for dead rodents or anything else unpleasant. I don’t know how I would be able to cohabitate with the insects knowing that I can’t put them out of my misery. It would be very hard, I applaud you for your patience, Tilly.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:04 #

      Many years of living with a fanatical animal lover…

      Like

  2. McGuffyAnn April 24, 2012 at 14:38 #

    Wonderful post! I loved it! I give you an…A!

    Like

  3. McGuffyAnn April 24, 2012 at 14:39 #

    Awesome post! I give you an A!

    Like

  4. vivinfrance April 24, 2012 at 14:46 #

    Bees have no interest in you whatsoever. They’re only there for the – not beer – pollen.

    “Ancient Rome’s tax system was paid in honey, not money. I like it; we should do that here. Call it a sweetener.” and salaries were opaid in salt. Go figure.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:06 #

      It’s where the word ‘salary’ come from.

      Like

  5. Palestine Rose April 24, 2012 at 15:29 #

    Informative, thanks.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:25 #

      Not fun? 😦

      Like

      • Palestine Rose April 27, 2012 at 12:10 #

        Fun too! 😉
        I happen to really love bees so the informative part struck me first, upon rereading it, I saw that it’s fun too!

        Like

        • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 12:11 #

          Whew!

          Thanks for taking the time to read it again 🙂

          Like

          • Palestine Rose April 27, 2012 at 12:13 #

            You know, the great thing about what you wrote, is that it has many layers, now that, is good humour!
            Keep up the good work! 🙂

            Like

            • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 12:14 #

              Thank you! That’s a lovely thing to say.

              Like

              • Palestine Rose April 27, 2012 at 12:18 #

                It’s because you are so loveable and deserving of every accolade, you are a heart-felt, loving soul.
                Pretty too, I love your laugh!
                A laugh turns everything into sunshine. 😉

                Like

                • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 12:18 #

                  Now I’m blushing and laughing with embarrassment 🙂

                  Like

                  • Palestine Rose April 27, 2012 at 12:22 #

                    Embarrassment? Take it in, Goddess!
                    You are great, beautiful, loving, soulful and funny, etc… all good things in the etc…, of course! 😉

                    Like

  6. sarsm April 24, 2012 at 16:02 #

    I’m not a bug person either. But I do like bees. OK. When they’re no where near me. 😉

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:26 #

      Exactly. Bees should know their place, which is in flowers, not my hair.

      Like

  7. viveka April 24, 2012 at 19:49 #

    Big fan of bees too .. thank you so much for all .. the facts – love “Bees don’t snore” best – that is a killer. Brilliant Tilly.

    Like

  8. judithatwood April 24, 2012 at 20:20 #

    I didn’t know most of that info about bees. I think bees are cool, ants are okay, and dragonflies are a joy, but everything else make my skin crawl, too!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:32 #

      I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about them.

      Like

  9. SchmidleysScribbling April 24, 2012 at 20:24 #

    As usual, I got three lines in and thought of 17 comments I could make. That’s why you post isn’t it, so we can make comments, like “Wow that’s some shower curtain rod you have in your bathroom.” or how the heck can you lay in a tub? Our tubs are pathetic. That’s what i like about the UK, you guys know how to make a bathtub. Probably learned in Bath. Speaking of which, I had the best bath I’ve ever had in Bath. What a tub. Your lack of wash cloths is not amusing however.

    Bees, oh yes, I am going back to read the rest. Hang in there baby. Dianne

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:37 #

      Make as many comments as you like! Not promising to answer them all, though, especially when I’m stymied by our lack of wash cloths – is this a hotel shortage or general dearth in the UK? We call them ‘flannels’ and you can buy them in any supermarket.

      If it’s the hotels, could be because towels and bedding are one thing but -eww! – using a used flannel, no matter how much it’s been boiled, is just too intimate a share. Shudder!

      Like

  10. kateshrewsday April 24, 2012 at 22:09 #

    Funny: I had a ‘love the bee’ conversation with a pupil today…

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:39 #

      And did you learn to love the bee as a result?

      Like

  11. barb19 April 24, 2012 at 22:42 #

    Fascinating info about bees! I like them – when they are nowhere near me!

    Like

  12. colonialist April 24, 2012 at 23:15 #

    Bee-utiful. As far as I’m concerned, bees should just buzz off. Why are the Brits so passionately attached to bumble bees, pray tell?

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:42 #

      Bumble bees are fat with tiny wings. They defy the laws of physics – no way should they be able to fly. We Brits love a triumphant underdog!

      Like

  13. I HAVE A VOICE April 24, 2012 at 23:56 #

    Fascinating !~ You’re unbelievable laughing Mom!1

    Like

  14. kiwidutch April 25, 2012 at 06:44 #

    Clearly I’m not an ‘average” human being…(and wish in this case that I was) If I get stung just once by either a wasp or a bee I have 3 minutes to take medication against ultra-rapid swelling since I’m allergic to the beasties… if the sting is above my shoulders I need to get to a hospital quick-time before swelling cuts off vital stuff like air supply.
    1100 stings… look for Himself heading towards a hospital with a balloon-like Michelin Lady in the back seat of the car. (that hurt just thinking about it).

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:43 #

      Can’t believe you do all that travelling with that kind of real danger. Go you!

      Like

  15. benzeknees April 25, 2012 at 06:55 #

    Interesting facts about bees, most of which I did not know. I’m not sure I wanted to know about hairy eyeballs, ewwwwwwww.

    Like

  16. bluebee April 25, 2012 at 11:12 #

    We are not weird and we never, ever get lost! (and some of us do snore…)

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 27, 2012 at 09:45 #

      Don’t be blue, Bee; it’s just a bit of fun 😉

      Like

  17. eof737 April 28, 2012 at 12:54 #

    I like bees … from a distance. Hope it gets resolved. 🙂

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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