Archive | 14:38

A Tip Of The Slongue

13 May

I heard a malapropism this morning.  For those who don’t know the word, a malapropism is a slip of the tongue; it comes from Sheridan’s 1775 play, The Rivals, in which a character named Mrs Malaprop mixed up her words to comic effect.

Here endeth the lesson.  Let the bun begin.

The person speaking this morning meant to say ‘heritage centre’.
What she said was,

I know you – you work in the heresy centre.

I enjoyed it so much, I thought I’d find some more to share, so I scared the internet.

First, some of Mrs Malaprop’s mistakes:

  • He is the very pine-apple of politeness!  [pinnacle]
  • I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.  [eligible]
  • …she’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.  [alligator]
  • I am sorry to say, Sir Anthony, that my affluence over my niece is very small.  [influence]
  • Sure, if I reprehend any thing in this world it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!  [apprehend, vernacular, arrangement, epithets]

These are said to be genuine:

  • Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.
  • Good punctuation means not to be late.
  • He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.
  • Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.
  • My sister has extra-century perception.

Some malapropisms from people in the public ear:

  • This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.    Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House
  • Marie Scott…has really plummeted to the top.   Alan Weeks
  • The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.   Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor
  • Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”    Dan Quayle, Vice President
Official photograph portrait of former U.S. Pr...

Official photograph portrait of former U.S. President George W. Bush. Português: Foto oficial de George W. Bush, presidente dos Estados Unidos da América. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Poor President Bush has a category all to himself:

  • We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.  
  • It will take time to restore chaos and order.
  • In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a recession, I am ending on a recession.
  • This thaw – took a while to thaw, it’s going to take a while to unthaw.
  • I want to share with you an interesting program – for two reasons, one, it’s interesting, and two, my wife thought of it – or has actually been involved with it; she didn’t think of it. But she thought of it for this speech.
  • Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted.
  • And they have no disregard for human life.
  • Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people.
  • I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office.

This one from President Bush, alleged to be a malapropism, actually has the ring of truth:

A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what’s not on their mind.

Finally, my absolute favourite was a South African newsreader, reporting on the politician Ferdy Hartzenburg:

And in parliament today, Minister Herdy Farts ‘n’ burps…


How about you?  Do you have any malapropisms to share?




Joke 416

13 May
Reverse of Diamond Wedding anniversary commemo...

Reverse of Diamond Wedding anniversary commemorative coin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks to Sidey for this one.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about three seconds.’

I bought her some bathroom scales.



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