Dial ‘T’ For Technept

17 May

My netbook and I had a disagreement last night.  It got so nasty, there was a casualty.  I was first on the scene.

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In honour of my dear, departed memory stick, I bring you some of Will and Guy’s computer stories:

These are said to be actual calls to computer technical support reps:

Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah…

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one.


Customer: I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No…wait a minute…I hadn’t inserted it into the computer yet…it’s still on my desk…sorry…


Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


And if you think these are exaggerated, the Hub used to work in computer support and the first question he was taught to ask, to which the answer was almost always ‘No’, was, Is your computer plugged in?



47 Responses to “Dial ‘T’ For Technept”

  1. adinparadise May 17, 2012 at 11:12 #

    Oh dear, violence will get you nowhere, Tilly. 😉 btw, I rose to your challenge. http://adinparadise.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/ad-the-belly-dancer-rises-to-tillys-challenge/


    • Tilly Bud May 17, 2012 at 11:17 #

      And in style!

      Fabulous pics!


      • scarlettruby May 17, 2012 at 11:45 #

        Love this. some more tech support calls!
        Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.
        Customer: ‘OK’.
        Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
        Customer: ‘No’.
        Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
        Customer: ‘No’.
        Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.
        Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
        Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
        Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
        Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
        ———————————————————————- ——————————————-
        There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
        Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

        Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
        Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
        Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
        Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
        Operator: ‘Went away?’
        Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
        Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
        Caller: ‘Nothing.’
        Operator: ‘Nothing??’
        Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
        Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
        Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
        Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
        Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
        Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
        Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
        Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
        Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
        Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
        Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
        Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
        Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
        Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
        Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
        Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
        Caller: ‘No.’
        Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
        Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
        Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
        Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
        Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
        Caller: ‘No.’
        Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
        Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
        Operator: ‘Dark??’
        Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
        ‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
        Caller: ‘I can’t.’
        Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
        Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
        Operator: ‘A power……… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
        Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
        Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
        Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
        Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
        Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
        Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
        Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!’


        • Tilly Bud May 17, 2012 at 11:47 #

          Hilarious, but I’m not surprised the employee was fired 🙂


  2. McGuffyAnn May 17, 2012 at 13:09 #

    Innocent until proven guilty. *LOL* Great post! Funny! Human nature never ceases to amaze me. Common sense is no longer common.


  3. Janie Jones May 17, 2012 at 13:38 #

    If you haven’t watched the IT Crowd you really need to, it’s like these situations the whole series.


    • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:27 #

      As if I need to be reminded of my techneptitude!


      • Janie Jones May 18, 2012 at 12:51 #

        Oh, don’t worry. The IT guys, Roy and Moss, may know computers but are totally inept at life. It’s hilarious.


  4. Roly May 17, 2012 at 13:44 #

    It would look a lot worse if you kept a hammer handy 🙂


  5. laurieanichols May 17, 2012 at 14:59 #

    Funny that you and your netbook were fighting yesterday because across the Atlantic I was having issues with my P.C as well. I felt that I was using dial up for the Internet even though I have DSL connection, it was pitiful and it tried my patience but I am happy to say that after much walking out of the room and repeatedly going up and down the stairs, I refrained from yanking the whole computer out and throwing it out the window. It was hard.


    • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:30 #

      I admire your restraint. And, if it carries on, your excellent figure 🙂


      • laurieanichols May 18, 2012 at 12:19 #

        I thank you for complimenting my restraint, still working on the figure. lol.


  6. viveka May 17, 2012 at 14:59 #

    Fantastic … been there … and done most of it – Excellent !!!!! Glad those days are gone.


    • autumn May 17, 2012 at 18:33 #

      Me too… Me too. I still remember the notation HIE. For anyone who hasn’t provide tech support it stand for “Human Interface Error”


      • viveka May 17, 2012 at 19:44 #

        Technical problem … the story of my life. *laughter


  7. jmeandme May 17, 2012 at 15:10 #

    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

    Customer: Five stars.
    heeeeeee~T~i know ur password now ~^_^


  8. robincoyle May 17, 2012 at 15:38 #

    Green blood Tilly?


  9. lanceleuven May 17, 2012 at 15:58 #

    This just doesn’t add up to me. Way too suspicious. I’m happy to bet that your fingerpirnts are all over that poor USB stick.

    ‘Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.’ – They’re all good but that ones a classic!


    • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:46 #

      My fingerprints? Not anymore…thanks for the tip 😉


  10. Rorybore May 17, 2012 at 16:12 #

    LOL. I had a very good friend in IT when I was working, and they have several “code names” for these type circumstances. My favourite was, “it’s a #PEBCAK error.
    Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard


  11. SchmidleysScribbling May 17, 2012 at 17:26 #

    Having entered the computer scene in the dark ages with punch cards and JCL I think you are all a bunch of wimps.

    PS what is that green stuff?


    • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:49 #

      It’s the memory stick’s blood, released when it’s hard was partially severed.

      How did you not get that?



      • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:50 #




        • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 10:03 #



          One more mistake like that and I’ll have to cancel this blog and move to Nova Scotia.


  12. kateshrewsday May 17, 2012 at 19:32 #

    These are hilarious, Tilly.

    As for the memory stick: it looks a messy job. I should call for special branch.


    • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 09:54 #

      Hello? Is that Pseu in disguise?

      Hehe. I read your comment and thought it was Pseu. She’s goona be livid that you got there first with the pun 🙂


      • Tilly Bud May 18, 2012 at 10:04 #



        That’s it! I’m leaving!

        You can blame WP because the comment boxes aren’t working properly today.


        • Pseu May 20, 2012 at 23:21 #

          that’s not a memory stick, it’s a USB flash drive – Techie tells me.

          What do you call a stick that won’t come back?


  13. grannymar May 17, 2012 at 21:04 #

    I have to go with the power failure. It is classic!


  14. terry1954 May 17, 2012 at 21:53 #

    is this for real??? hahah


  15. Martha May 18, 2012 at 02:01 #

    Awesome post, too funny!! Coming by from Lori of Dusty Pages 🙂


  16. eof737 May 21, 2012 at 05:38 #

    Ohhh Hysterical!



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