Archive | 10:56

Summer. This Time Without The Hissy Fit

28 May

Sorry about yesterday!  A full weekend, a lot of sun, a thumping headache and a faulty WordPress led to my little tantrum.  Having slept on it, it occurred to me this morning that the photos were probably still in my media file; and they were.

I was going to give you a gallery but I didn’t want to fiddle about too much and lose things again, so you have to scroll down instead.  It still took me an hour to compile this.  But I’m in control of myself…really…I’m not secretly sticking pins into WordPress dolls or chanting around a cauldron…honest…

 Remember my enthusiasm for cycling…?

Not the new XFactor judges...the bins are flattening the grass to make it short enough to mow

Not the new X Factor judges all in a row…the bins are flattening the grass to make it short enough to mow

The dogs give new meaning to the word ‘weed’

I would be embarrassed but the weather has been so bad, we haven’t been in our garden since last September, so I didn’t notice what a mess it was.

Green shed from Freecycle; old shed from B&Q 15 years ago; dead plants from the Hub’s vegetable-growing period, in which we got one minute carrot and three tiny radishes, after an outlay of at least £70…gardening is not our area of expertise.

How will I get the lawnmower in this?!

Now for a spring cleaning miracle:

Did I work hard or what?

Joke 431

28 May


Snail Hang-Out

Snail Hang-Out (Photo credit: Melissa Maples)

This one came from Janie’s Place.  It might take you a moment to get the punchline, but it’s worth it.


A snail walked into a car dealership. Immediately a salesman came up to him and offered his assistance, figuring a commission is a commission and if the snail had money that was all that mattered.

Salesman: Hello there, erm, Sir? Can I help you pick out a car?

Snail: Mr. Snail…. Yes, but I have some…special…requirements.

Salesman: Certainly, why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for?

Mr. Snail: I want something small and sporty that goes very fast.

Salesman: Not a problem, Mr. Snail.

Mr. Snail: But it must have vinyl seats, not cloth, not leather. For obvious reasons.

The salesman and Mr. Snail looked down briefly at a puddle of goo on the show room floor.

Salesman: Um. Right. Also not a problem!

Mr. Snail: Good. Then I want a special paint job. I’m tired of people overlooking me because they think I’m just a slow, dumb snail. I want something sleek, sharp. Something eye-catching that will stand out. Something that sizzles. Money is no object, so I’ll want it done exactly to my specifications.

Salesman: We will see what we can do. What were you thinking?

Mr. Snail: I want a fire engine red car. Fire engines are fast, and they get noticed. That’s what I want. And, the car must have a bold letter “S” painted on each side of the hood and the boot so people from all directions will know it is Mr. Snail when they see me drive down the street in my new car.

Salesman: O-kay. I think we can accommodate that. Is there any thing else, a vanity plate perhaps?

Mr. Snail: Oh…yes.

Salesman: The letter “S” maybe?

Mr. Snail: Oh, yesssssss.

So the salesman shook hand to pseudopod, some papers were slimed and some money changed over.

In a few weeks Mr. Snail returned to pick up his new car, and was very pleased with his purchase. The salesman had even made sure the new vanity plate was attached for his special customer. As Mr. Snail peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing and accelerator pressed flat to the floor, in his compact but fast, custom-painted car, the manager of the dealership looked out of the window and said to the salesman, “What’s the deal with the special paint job and the vanity plate?”

The salesman replied. “I don’t know, but you can’t help notice that little “S” car go!”


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