Joke 445

11 Jun

 

Portrait of a man with a large moustache

Portrait of a man with a large moustache (Photo credit: Australian National Maritime Museum on The Commons)

I’ve seen variations of this in several places, so I pulled the best ones together.

Why it’s good to be a man:

* You don’t have to change your last name.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
* New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* You can do Christmas shopping for thirty relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

25 Responses to “Joke 445”

  1. adinparadise June 11, 2012 at 04:23 #

    I definitely want to reincarnate as a man. 😉

    Like

  2. siggiofmaine June 11, 2012 at 04:26 #

    My fav…and new to me…thought I’d seen all the lists .. sigh…
    “You can do your nails with a pocket knife.”

    Thanks,
    Siggi in Downeast Maine

    Like

  3. Gabrielle Bryden June 11, 2012 at 04:31 #

    hahahaha – so true (you could add – can grow a beard to hide the wrinkles and double chin) – my hubby has been known to do a pedicure with a pen knife type implement – oh Lordy, give me strength!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 11, 2012 at 11:24 #

      Mine uses scissors to clean his nails. Yuk!

      Like

  4. Megan Broutian June 11, 2012 at 05:29 #

    More like 5 minutes if you are like my husband — I have the thankless job of being in charge of xmas gifts so he only has to get me a gift certificate on his way home.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 11, 2012 at 11:25 #

      Well that sucks! That means that you actually choose your own gift, as well.

      I can’t return your visit, I’m afraid, because there’s no blog address.

      Like

  5. misswhiplash June 11, 2012 at 06:38 #

    Very good and very true,except the forth from the bottom..my Neville’s face has changed a lot since I married him, it’s got sorta old and wrinkled…I wonder what the reason could be? (Do not answer that one)

    Like

  6. Viveka June 11, 2012 at 09:13 #

    Very VERY good, but I still want to be a woman.

    Like

  7. vivinfrance June 11, 2012 at 09:38 #

    Tomorrow I hope to see the equivalent about the female of the species! I didn’t understand the line: “* Everything on your face stays its original colour.” Jock’s beard was black and now it’s white! Whereas my face is the colour it’s always been, give or take a few freckles in the summer. Whas summer do I hear you ask?

    Like

    • vivinfrance June 11, 2012 at 09:41 #

      Sorry – thanks to jiggling boxes and go-slow commenting, , What became whas.

      Like

    • Tilly Bud June 11, 2012 at 11:28 #

      Re your first point: consider it done!

      Like

  8. bluebee June 11, 2012 at 09:53 #

    I have to disagree with the “three pairs of shoes” point – mine has more pairs than Imelda Marcos

    Like

  9. Jeff June 11, 2012 at 17:40 #

    I do occasionally have to repeat, “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey…” My man card is definitely in danger.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 12, 2012 at 09:42 #

      And you are a brave man to make that admission 😀

      Like

  10. Food Stories June 12, 2012 at 00:03 #

    Love this 🙂

    Like

  11. robincoyle June 12, 2012 at 00:09 #

    Hmmm….I am a woman but no one stares at my chest.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 12, 2012 at 09:45 #

      I have a similar problem…or lack of problem 🙂

      Like

  12. benzeknees June 12, 2012 at 01:47 #

    Seen this before, but I still get a kick out of it!

    Like

  13. judithatwood June 12, 2012 at 03:18 #

    So true, so true!

    Like

  14. grannymar June 13, 2012 at 17:13 #

    I think my chest has fallen out of view! 😆

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Joke 446 « The Laughing Housewife - June 12, 2012

    […] Today’s joke comes at the request of Viv, who wants me to redress the balance after yesterday’s joke. […]

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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