J Is For ‘J’

 

Another in my occasional series, A to Z of The Laughing Housewife.

I can’t think of anything that begins with J that might be of interest to you, so I will pluck some J words from the air and see what comes up.

I’ve had jobs:

• Waitress
• Till Operator
• Sales Assistant
• Receiving Clerk
• Worked In The Office But I Can’t Remember My Title Clerk
• Assistant Chief Clerk
• Chief Clerk
• Account Executive
• Don’t Think This Was A Demotion, Reader, Because It Was Not Wages Clerk
• Another One I Can’t Remember Clerk
• Doctors Get Called This One When They Run Things But I Wasn’t A Doctor And I Worked In A Secretarial College*
• Mother
• Office Temp

*Registrar

The second-to-last one is my favourite-ever job, and I have never regretted giving up full-time paid work to do it, though less vomit and more chocolate would have been nice.

When Spud met Megan at age six, and went round to her house on a play date, Megan’s mother asked him what his mother did.  Spud told the truth as he saw it: ‘She sits and reads the paper.’

I’ve had jabs:

My BCG scar

I don’t understand the hatred for Justin Bieber.  The boy loves his mother so he can’t be all bad.

I know who Jigglypuff is, and I can sing his/her song.  But I don’t know what sex it is.  I was too busy reading my paper to pay close attention.

We once had a five-year plan for me to graduate, take a Teaching English as a Foreign Language course, and for all of us to move to Japan for a few years.  Then Spud got a full bursary to an outstanding school, Tory Boy went to university, and I took up blogging instead.

 

Gyllenhaal as Donnie Darko, 2001 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I always confuse Jake Gyllenhaal with Tobey Maguire.  I know one of them was Spiderman and one of them got snowed in to a New York library, but that’s it. 

Tobey Maguire. (Cut away photo, from Image:Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer by David Shankbone.jpg) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I don’t know what jute is, and I don’t particularly care.

I believe that the only way to treat new jeans is to bash them around a bit and then throw them into the bottom of your wardrobe.  My sons take this belief to its extreme and do it with all of their clothing.

I like jigsaws.

I am not jealous by nature, though I will occasionally covet a packet of crisps when I’ve already had my day’s packet.

I would love to do jury duty.

Juxtaposition is one of my favourite words.

I’ve had friends called Jackie/Jacqui. One was the school librarian when I was in sixth form. She and her partner painted each of their thirteen wooden stairs a different colour; and grew cannabis in the spare bedroom where I sometimes slept.

Another now lives on a boat in the Bahamas and teaches in a girls’ school. She would take a bottle of Pomagne to birthday parties; give it as her present; then drink the contents.

Print advertisement for Pomagne cider (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No wonder she can afford a boat in the Bahamas. Her Dad had a warm heart, the widest smile and the yellowest teeth I ever saw.

I still have to tell you 555 jokes in order to complete my 101/1001 challenge of telling a joke a day for 1001 days.

And I just had to use a calculator to work that out.

Did I mention I was once an Accounts Clerk?

*

*

Joke 446

 

English: A woman with a finger moustache tattoo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today’s joke comes at the request of Viv, who wants me to redress the balance after yesterday’s joke.

Why it’s good to be a woman:

• We got off the Titanic first.
• Taxis stop for us.
• We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
• It’s cool to be a daddy’s girl. It’s sad to be a mummy’s boy.
• If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it’s because she was being emotionally neglected.
• Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.
• Women live longer than men.
• A woman’s friend won’t try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she’s drunk.
• Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
• Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.
• We don’t have to break wind to amuse ourselves.
• If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.
• If we forget to shave, no one knows.
• A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.
• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
• We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
• We will never regret piercing our ears.
• There are times when chocolate really does solve all our problems.
• Women don’t think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.
• We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren’t listening anyway.
• No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.

I got these from

http://mistupid.com/people/page078.htm

http://www.ehmac.ca/everything-else-eh/30062-40-reasons-why-its-good-woman.html