Joke 465

1 Jul

Thanks to Pseu for these.  If you like good photography, good poetry and interesting tales about life, check her out.

 

English: St Matthews Parish Church, Edgeley

English: St Matthews Parish Church, Edgeley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
  • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.  Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.
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23 Responses to “Joke 465”

  1. jmgoyder July 1, 2012 at 05:01 #

    These are fantastic!

    Like

  2. terry1954 July 1, 2012 at 05:08 #

    those were good ones!

    Like

  3. Perfecting Motherhood July 1, 2012 at 05:21 #

    I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying!!! I can’t even decide which one is the best. The Weight Watchers is pretty horrible. I have to share this on Facebook.

    Like

  4. misswhiplash July 1, 2012 at 06:10 #

    Thank you Tilly for information about Green Houses…I am looking forward to reading it

    Like

  5. adinparadise July 1, 2012 at 06:36 #

    Have seen these before, but they never fail to elicit a few giggles, Tilly. Have a great Sunday. xx

    Like

  6. adinparadise July 1, 2012 at 09:23 #

    There’s an award on my latest post for you, Tilly. 😉

    Like

  7. sarsm July 1, 2012 at 09:26 #

    My husband and daughter made it here first, I had to run over for a peek because they were howling with laughter. Now I know why!!

    Like

  8. SidevieW July 1, 2012 at 09:41 #

    IT is so easy to make these mistakes when you are thinking of something else as you type 😉

    Like

  9. Tom (Aquatom1968) July 1, 2012 at 10:55 #

    Howling again this morning, Tilly – thanks!
    That choir sounds like it really needs help!

    Like

  10. Pseu July 1, 2012 at 11:49 #

    If you were a dyslexic insomniac who was on the verge of becoming an atheist, would you like awake at night wondering if there is a dog?

    Like

  11. robincoyle July 2, 2012 at 15:47 #

    They are welcome to use my electric girdle.

    Like

  12. thefreshmanexperience July 2, 2012 at 21:48 #

    I am “borrowing” these to teach writing errors. The kids will get a good laugh. Thank!

    Like

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  1. Hoist With My Own Facebook | The Laughing Housewife - April 15, 2013

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