Joke 466

2 Jul
Grandma's Class

Grandma’s Class (Photo credit: Henthorn)

Thanks to benzeknees for this one.

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GREAT TRUTHS LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

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GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

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Santa Claus?

Santa Claus? (Photo credit: Luca Venturi Oslo)

 

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

 

 

 

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is…Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is…Having friends.
At age 17 success is…Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is…Having money.
At age 50 success is…Having money.
At age 70 success is…Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is…Having friends.
At age 80 success is…Not piddling in your pants.

15 Responses to “Joke 466”

  1. judithatwood July 2, 2012 at 04:17 #

    Great — funny and wise!

    Like

  2. jmgoyder July 2, 2012 at 05:15 #

    I love all of them but especially the laughing one.

    Like

  3. vivinfrance July 2, 2012 at 05:54 #

    You and I do a lot of internal jogging. Some great wisdom here, specially from the children.

    Like

  4. musings July 2, 2012 at 06:15 #

    I really like that life’s definition of success. 🙂 I identify with it.

    Like

  5. kiwidutch July 2, 2012 at 06:24 #

    The last one on Success is rather too close to the truth!

    Like

  6. misswhiplash July 2, 2012 at 07:21 #

    They say what goes around comes around! I am fast on my way to the 80 one..They were really great, funny but true…especially nailing jelly to a tree lol xxxxx

    Like

  7. Helen Cherry July 2, 2012 at 08:54 #

    Hilarious.. I love the Success one though I don’t agree about the money bit.. success should be measured on the quality of the relationships you have with people and the help you can give to others… I do have a sense of humour honest!

    Like

  8. Tom (Aquatom1968) July 2, 2012 at 12:29 #

    Love the laughing being exercise one, Tilly. I’ve had a few work outs this week reading your blog alone! 😀

    Like

  9. sanstorm July 2, 2012 at 12:47 #

    Loved the success definitions.
    Except at 39 success is drinking a whole cup of tea at one sitting.

    Like

  10. adinparadise July 2, 2012 at 15:31 #

    Love these. Tilly. Isn’t it a good thing that wrinkles don’t hurt? 😉

    Like

  11. Perfecting Motherhood July 3, 2012 at 07:39 #

    Excellent!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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