15 Jul

This is a not edited much repost because – surprise, surprise – two years on and nothing has changed.

Our house crap is right at the back, near to and including the washing machine.

We have a lot of stuff; we have always had a lot of stuff.  It didn’t matter in South Africa when the Hub had a warehouse attached to his office: we stored everything there and our home looked lovely.  It’s not so great now that we live in a three-bed council house. 

Part of the problem is that we hang on to things we might need later on, like every plug from every defunct appliance we’ve ever owned.  Bear in mind that it is a legal requirement that every appliance sold in this country must come with an integrated plug – hanging on to those plugs is like letting our older children leave home but keeping their feet in case the next one I give birth to needs spare toes.

Okay, that’s ridiculous; but so is hanging on to twenty-five years’ worth of electric waste.

Having built and filled – and filled, and filled – our garden shed many years ago, the stars finally conjoined one day to give us sunshine, everybody home with nothing to do, and me in a we can do this if we only gird our loins and get on with it mood.

No seams left to burst at

I needed to empty the shed so that I had somewhere to store the clutter from the kitchen which had to be emptied before they gave me a new one.  The clutter in the kitchen came from the hall when I painted it.  The clutter in the hall came from the lounge when I painted it.  The clutter in the lounge came from my inability to tie the Hub to his chair and never let him shop.  I didn’t have the heart to put the clutter back into the lounge because I was able to see every wall for the first time since Spud was born.  I have been shuffling utter crap from room to room for the whole of my married life, and that day I decided it must STOP.

My family hate when that happens because it means work for them, and they weren’t wrong.  We sat the Hub in a comfy chair on the back step so that he could supervise the chucking-out and tell us what he really needed to keep. Spare parts for his never-used scooter could stay because they will come in handy in 2027 when it is forecast we will finally have a dry summer and the scooter will need de-rusting – we’re building our own ark here in Stockport [NOTE: this is as true today as it was two years ago when I wrote it.  Can somebody please tell me why we haven’t moved somewhere drier?].
Three huge electric typewriters and seventeen pieces of mouldy mdf were definitely out.  A box full of baby toys might have stayed if the boys were ready to make me a grandmother, but I didn’t want to encourage them so they went on the skip pile.  An old tent we got from Freecycle years earlier was finally opened up to see if it was of any use.  It was: I now have waterproof bicycle and braai covers, albeit bright purple, and three ground sheets.  I couldn’t prise a Linguaphone box of 78s from the Hub’s crying arms, but I did manage to sneak out a couple of motorbike forks, and carpet offcuts from a carpet we no longer have, when he was stroking the vinyl and saying Ciao, bella to himself.

We finished up with several piles:

  • For the council tip (if we ever get there)
  • Recycling (how many fly blown cardboard boxes do we really need?)
  • Freegling (a wonderful system that allows you to offload your crap onto other people before collecting yet other people’s crap to replace it)
  • Charity (people who sell crap to those not clever enough to get it for free)
  • To sell (to pay for my broken nails)
  • Might come in handy at some point if the Hub can hide them from me (he did; it didn’t)

We moved the stuff in the house that we really wanted to keep, into the shed, where it will no doubt stay for many years, until we get our next sunny day.  The kitchen isn’t quite cleared but it’s getting there.  The hall isn’t quite cleared but it’s getting there.  The lounge – well, you get the idea.  I’m doing my best and if it sometimes feels as if I’m holding back an avalanche with sheer will and a roll of bin bags, at least it gives me something to blog about.

Now I bring you back to the present: our old shed is rotten and held together only by the crap the Hub managed to stash away two years ago.  We bought a new, bigger, better shed.  It arrived last month.  It is still in its boxes, going mouldy, because it hasn’t stopped raining long enough to erect it.

It’s a Tardis shed – much bigger on the inside. I hope.

If it doesn’t stop raining soon, we may never know…

Crap: the gift that keeps on giving me a headache.

Sheds: the last great hope of my staying married.

Rain: the divorce-maker.

Anyone got a giant marquee they don’t want?  I could give it a good home.

The Hub’s Self-Portrait

47 Responses to “Rain/Sheds/Crap”

  1. Harry Moonbeam July 15, 2012 at 10:15 #

    Ohhh! You didn’t throw out the mouldy MDF, did you?


  2. jmgoyder July 15, 2012 at 10:30 #

    I can relate to this in sooo many ways – different ways but you know! Hell!


  3. vivinfrance July 15, 2012 at 10:40 #

    Like you, your posts improve with age. Viv ducks!


  4. Pseu July 15, 2012 at 11:06 #

    The Hub’s self portrait has a certain je ne sais quoi.


  5. sharechair July 15, 2012 at 12:31 #

    “they might come in handy in 2027” …… I have a lot of things “saved” too. I can relate! And, of course, when the time rolls round to use the saved part, I’ll never find it until AFTER I buy a new one. : )


  6. misswhiplash July 15, 2012 at 13:26 #

    You can ship it all to Bulgaria..I have an enormous barn with only a few sticks of wood in it but as we shall have to oust the dishwasher, fridge/freezer, washing machine and microwave, those few bits of wood may well have some company but there is still room for your rubbish(sorry I meant goods)


  7. McGuffyAnn July 15, 2012 at 14:28 #

    I feel your pain. We accumulated “stuff”, and then we inherited “stuff”…so we have a basement full of “stuff”. I am not sure, but I think it may have reproduced some on its own, too. I need to get rid of it, or I fear it may creep up the stairs…


  8. colonialist July 15, 2012 at 14:38 #

    My system for throwing out junk is simply to re-pack all storage spaces more efficiently, ensuring that no nook or cranny is left unfilled. One day every storage space we have will explode under the strain. I doubt if the planet will survive.


  9. laurieanichols July 15, 2012 at 15:24 #

    My hubby loves his stuff, I have had my share of storage units. The old shed really looked like it was bursting at the seams, I had never seen that before. You guys have a lot of fun together, it is very sweet.


  10. kiwidutch July 15, 2012 at 16:44 #

    We’ve been renovating in the last year and a half (ok Himself has been doing the actual work) and since I’m still recovering from all my broken bits and therefore not using my little sewing room, all of the junk from the whole house has ended up there “temporarily” until we get around to sorting it.

    This means in reality that it’s not going to be done until I’m back on both feet again and can tackle to job alone,…
    …. I’ll then just present Himself with the various piles of “dump”recycle”sell” etc and threats that It’s all going into his home office unless he gets rid of it quick LOL

    I’m the sort of person who can ignore the mess for a certain amount of time but one day out of the blue it will annoy me to the point that I start on a Spring Clean rampage.

    Strangely enough I’ve noticed this never happens in Spring time. (I think I must have left my cleaning clock in another time-zone some how).

    Well done on getting this done! AND we want before and after photos of the kitchen renovation too yes?

    As for the weather.. oh ouch, NOT a happy topic here in the Netherlands this summer either! (I use the term “summer” very loosely here.. you understand completely why LOL)


  11. grannymar July 15, 2012 at 16:55 #

    Thanks for the reminder. 😦 I have a spare room and a garage to clear.


  12. adinparadise July 15, 2012 at 17:29 #

    Saving for a rainy day or a sunny day. What’s the difference? Looks like you all had heaps and heaps of fun, Tilly. Love that “charity” definition.;)


  13. SchmidleysScribbling July 15, 2012 at 18:04 #

    Very funny. I think the first photo is the best. So much space. You will be able to find many child toys should your sons discover how to make fire. Dianne


  14. gigihawaii July 15, 2012 at 19:05 #

    Since Maria married and moved out, we have been using her bedroom as a storage room. It’s a sight! Lol. But you seem to have so much rain. Too bad!


  15. granny1947 July 15, 2012 at 19:31 #

    Move from a three bedroomed house to a converted garage…you WILL declutter!


  16. Pseu July 15, 2012 at 20:01 #

    When I have a sort ut one pile has to be ‘bonfire’ – I love a good bonfire 🙂


    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife July 16, 2012 at 13:56 #

      Don’t think my neighbours would like that idea – we are so close, I can answer their phone when she’s cooking.


      • Pseu July 16, 2012 at 16:48 #

        maybe not then. One time, when we had a huge pampas grass next to the oil tank I was advised that the best way t cut back the grass was to set it alight. Maybe not. I dug it out and removed it instead….


  17. kateshrewsday July 15, 2012 at 20:21 #

    We have an identical shed. We have a cunning plan: to park a skip on the drive and put the shed, and its contents, inside. But we’re not doing it in the pouring rain.Thus it will have to wait until we have our own heatwave.


  18. sanstorm July 15, 2012 at 20:44 #

    Great post. I intend to never have this issue, despite the fact that I do. On my career break I intend to make at least one trip to the tip/recycle every week. I hope to have no possessions by this time next year.
    It’ll be great.


  19. Al July 15, 2012 at 22:03 #

    I think it’s a shame that you couldn’t shed yourself of all this stuff.


  20. idiosyncratic eye July 15, 2012 at 23:20 #

    No loft? My loft is a lifesaver. As is a ruthless attitude. When I have the energy. 😉


    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife July 16, 2012 at 13:54 #

      No loft? Technically, that’s true, if by ‘no loft’ you mean ‘stuffed to the gills so that we’re all in danger of being crushed in our beds’.


  21. bluebee July 17, 2012 at 12:32 #

    I think Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter have the right idea – separate, but adjoining, residences. I’ve told my hub he isn’t allowed to die before me, ‘cos I’ll be livid if I have to clean out all the crap in the garage (which resembles a second-hand fishing and sports store)


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