Archive | 10:08

My Cousin’s Wife’s Facebook Statuses

23 Jul
Carrots of many colors.

Carrots of many colors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am friends with my cousin’s wife in New Zealand.  She is a funny lady.  Putting on my stalker hat, I started saving her Facebook statuses because they make me laugh.  

A condition of the restraining order is that I be allowed to share them with you.

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  • In order to cope with the never-ending bombardment of paperwork, I’ve decided to file them into four categories: Don’t care/Don’t know/Don’t wanna know/Are you kidding me?
  • That awkward moment when you realise it’s only Tuesday…
  • The kids and I had KFC for dinner, and me being the good mum that I am,  insisted we stand on one leg for a minute, just to make sure it was a balanced meal.
  • Me:  42 carrots are needed to fill 6 bags; how many carrots would you need if you had 12 bags? Student:  That would depend on the size of the bags. Me:  All the bags are the same size.  Student: What about the size of the carrots?
  • Oh hello Life…I didn’t see you hiding behind all that work.  Please come back, I miss you.
  • Why do they lock the toilets at gas stations?  Are they worried someone might clean them?
  • I have analysed the data, triangulated the results and made an overall teacher judgement to cancel the rest of this week.
  • Hello Friday, I’ve missed you.
  • Hello Friday, you have arrived at your destination.
  • About to have a deep and meaningful conversation with a Brussel sprout to see if I can cancel the rest of the working week.
  • Did you know that in some countries Friday is referred to as POETS day?  It commonly refers to P**s Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday… brilliant!  We should celebrate Poets everyday, after all, poetry is very educational.
  • So proud of myself – I’ve manged to reduce my carbon footprint by not doing any housework today…it’s been tough forcing myself to sit and listen to music all morning, but it’s for a good cause, so I will force myself to continue.  I will find the strength to boldly continue saving this planet of ours : )
  • Dear *****, Start smiling cupcake, I’m on my way.  Sincerely, Friday.
  • Hello weekend, goodbye work.
  • I’ve cancelled Thursday due to lack of interest…
  • Sarcasm…cuz I’m too short to slap people in the face, and I couldn’t be bothered wearing my stilettos.
  • Oi, Rain, calibrate your GPS, this is not England, therefore you have NOT arrived at your destination.
  • Close window, chuck laptops and iwb’s thru the window…problem solved.
  • Alcohol…cuz having a glass of water just ain’t gonna have the desired effect after a hectic Monday.
  • That moment when a child who very seldom shows emotion, breaks out into a smile because he managed to read an entire sentence correctly…I had one of those moments today, it served to remind me why I love teaching as much as I do.

 

If you know of an interesting Facebook status, do share it!

Joke 487

23 Jul
River scene with rowing boat and boat shed

River scene with rowing boat and boat shed (Photo credit: Powerhouse Museum Collection)

Last one (for now) from Elizabeth.

One day a Pastor and a Brother took a visitor fishing by boat.  Once in the middle of the lake, the Pastor said, “I seem to have forgotten my fishing rod; I’ll be right back,” and to the visitor’s amazement, he stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.

When the Pastor returned the Brother said, “I need to use the toilet; I’ll be right back!”  Again, the visitor watched in amazement.

Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said “I need to use the toilet, too.”  As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.

The Pastor nudged the Brother and said, “We should have told him where the rocks were.”

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