My Cousin’s Wife’s Facebook Statuses

Carrots of many colors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am friends with my cousin’s wife in New Zealand.  She is a funny lady.  Putting on my stalker hat, I started saving her Facebook statuses because they make me laugh.  

A condition of the restraining order is that I be allowed to share them with you.

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• In order to cope with the never-ending bombardment of paperwork, I’ve decided to file them into four categories: Don’t care/Don’t know/Don’t wanna know/Are you kidding me?
• That awkward moment when you realise it’s only Tuesday…
• The kids and I had KFC for dinner, and me being the good mum that I am,  insisted we stand on one leg for a minute, just to make sure it was a balanced meal.
• Me:  42 carrots are needed to fill 6 bags; how many carrots would you need if you had 12 bags? Student:  That would depend on the size of the bags. Me:  All the bags are the same size.  Student: What about the size of the carrots?
• Oh hello Life…I didn’t see you hiding behind all that work.  Please come back, I miss you.
• Why do they lock the toilets at gas stations?  Are they worried someone might clean them?
• I have analysed the data, triangulated the results and made an overall teacher judgement to cancel the rest of this week.
• Hello Friday, I’ve missed you.
• Hello Friday, you have arrived at your destination.
• About to have a deep and meaningful conversation with a Brussel sprout to see if I can cancel the rest of the working week.
• Did you know that in some countries Friday is referred to as POETS day?  It commonly refers to P**s Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday… brilliant!  We should celebrate Poets everyday, after all, poetry is very educational.
• So proud of myself – I’ve manged to reduce my carbon footprint by not doing any housework today…it’s been tough forcing myself to sit and listen to music all morning, but it’s for a good cause, so I will force myself to continue.  I will find the strength to boldly continue saving this planet of ours : )
• Dear *****, Start smiling cupcake, I’m on my way.  Sincerely, Friday.
• Hello weekend, goodbye work.
• I’ve cancelled Thursday due to lack of interest…
• Sarcasm…cuz I’m too short to slap people in the face, and I couldn’t be bothered wearing my stilettos.
• Oi, Rain, calibrate your GPS, this is not England, therefore you have NOT arrived at your destination.
• Close window, chuck laptops and iwb’s thru the window…problem solved.
• Alcohol…cuz having a glass of water just ain’t gonna have the desired effect after a hectic Monday.
• That moment when a child who very seldom shows emotion, breaks out into a smile because he managed to read an entire sentence correctly…I had one of those moments today, it served to remind me why I love teaching as much as I do.

 

If you know of an interesting Facebook status, do share it!