My Cousin’s Wife’s Facebook Statuses

23 Jul
Carrots of many colors.

Carrots of many colors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am friends with my cousin’s wife in New Zealand.  She is a funny lady.  Putting on my stalker hat, I started saving her Facebook statuses because they make me laugh.  

A condition of the restraining order is that I be allowed to share them with you.

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  • In order to cope with the never-ending bombardment of paperwork, I’ve decided to file them into four categories: Don’t care/Don’t know/Don’t wanna know/Are you kidding me?
  • That awkward moment when you realise it’s only Tuesday…
  • The kids and I had KFC for dinner, and me being the good mum that I am,  insisted we stand on one leg for a minute, just to make sure it was a balanced meal.
  • Me:  42 carrots are needed to fill 6 bags; how many carrots would you need if you had 12 bags? Student:  That would depend on the size of the bags. Me:  All the bags are the same size.  Student: What about the size of the carrots?
  • Oh hello Life…I didn’t see you hiding behind all that work.  Please come back, I miss you.
  • Why do they lock the toilets at gas stations?  Are they worried someone might clean them?
  • I have analysed the data, triangulated the results and made an overall teacher judgement to cancel the rest of this week.
  • Hello Friday, I’ve missed you.
  • Hello Friday, you have arrived at your destination.
  • About to have a deep and meaningful conversation with a Brussel sprout to see if I can cancel the rest of the working week.
  • Did you know that in some countries Friday is referred to as POETS day?  It commonly refers to P**s Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday… brilliant!  We should celebrate Poets everyday, after all, poetry is very educational.
  • So proud of myself – I’ve manged to reduce my carbon footprint by not doing any housework today…it’s been tough forcing myself to sit and listen to music all morning, but it’s for a good cause, so I will force myself to continue.  I will find the strength to boldly continue saving this planet of ours : )
  • Dear *****, Start smiling cupcake, I’m on my way.  Sincerely, Friday.
  • Hello weekend, goodbye work.
  • I’ve cancelled Thursday due to lack of interest…
  • Sarcasm…cuz I’m too short to slap people in the face, and I couldn’t be bothered wearing my stilettos.
  • Oi, Rain, calibrate your GPS, this is not England, therefore you have NOT arrived at your destination.
  • Close window, chuck laptops and iwb’s thru the window…problem solved.
  • Alcohol…cuz having a glass of water just ain’t gonna have the desired effect after a hectic Monday.
  • That moment when a child who very seldom shows emotion, breaks out into a smile because he managed to read an entire sentence correctly…I had one of those moments today, it served to remind me why I love teaching as much as I do.

 

If you know of an interesting Facebook status, do share it!

31 Responses to “My Cousin’s Wife’s Facebook Statuses”

  1. re56nates July 23, 2012 at 10:11 #

    Ich bin auch nicht das was man einen schlanken Menschen nennt aber hauptsache gesund denke ich. Das Karottenbild finde ich schön!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife July 23, 2012 at 22:13 #

      Thank you! I had to get your comment translated to read it, so I’ll share it with everyone else:

      I’m also not what one would call a slim person, but the main thing is one is healthy. I find the carrot picture beautiful!

      Thanks!

      Like

  2. adinparadise July 23, 2012 at 10:33 #

    LOL!! Love the ‘sarcasm’ one. She’s as mad as you are, Tilly. 😉

    Like

  3. jmgoyder July 23, 2012 at 10:36 #

    Oh that last one really got to me! Wonderful,

    Like

  4. laurieanicholslaurieanichols July 23, 2012 at 10:42 #

    I can see why you are stalking her, I’m glad that you had the foresight to include the condition that the restraining order, pesky aren’t they?

    Like

  5. vivinfrance July 23, 2012 at 11:12 #

    I like your cousin’s wife. (and you, of course)

    Like

  6. Pseu July 23, 2012 at 11:23 #

    Excellento!

    Like

  7. kiwidutch July 23, 2012 at 11:25 #

    The last two = brilliant and awwwww!!!
    (I just knew Kiwi’s had an awesome sense of humour LOL)

    ..oh and suddenly I find myself warming to poets!

    Like

  8. mairedubhtx July 23, 2012 at 12:46 #

    I’d love to meet this creative and sarcastic woman! She expresses some of my own thoughts very well.

    Like

  9. sharechair July 23, 2012 at 13:13 #

    I have never joined Facebook (makes me odd, I know) ….so I didn’t know Facebook could be so funny!! Maybe I should reconsider 🙂 (nahhhhhh)

    Like

  10. bluebee July 23, 2012 at 14:05 #

    Facebook? What’s that?

    Like

  11. Al July 23, 2012 at 16:26 #

    Can’t believe she only related by marriage. There’s a lot of Tilly Bud blood in her.

    Like

  12. SchmidleysScribbling July 23, 2012 at 16:36 #

    Mini-reflections on life. Thanks for sharing. I don’t eat many carrots, but your carrot ensemble is beautiful. I especially liked the last one anectdote from your CW. Dianne

    Like

  13. RoryBore July 23, 2012 at 17:09 #

    well, that settles it then…..KFC for dinner tonight whilst doing leg raises! 🙂

    Like

  14. slpmartin July 23, 2012 at 20:37 #

    Ah…a number of these are just priceless…my favorites included ‘KFC, Sarcasm, toilets at gas stations,Oi, Rain, and Alcohol…cuz .” Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  15. eof737 July 27, 2012 at 16:25 #

    She is funny… actually hysterical! 🙂

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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