Archive | 10:07

You Need Uniformity

14 Aug

This is an edited repost from 2010.  It will be true in a week or two, so I feel no guilt at making you re-read what you can’t possibly remember, if you’ve been around this blog that long.

Today is a scary day: it is school uniform shopping day. 

I loathe school uniform shopping day: schlepping around from store to store in pursuit of black and white clothes and a blazer with a bright yellow trim, arguing sotto voce with the Hub about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing school uniform-related.  The only thing that makes the day even a little bearable is that we don’t have to pay for it: Spud receives a generous uniform allowance as part of his bursary so we get to spend spend spend and send send send the receipts to school to claim it back.

I don’t like shopping for it but I do like a school uniform; it’s a great leveller.  No-one knows your circumstances (unless they see you arriving at school in your little Citroen from their Maseratis), and everyone looks smart.   Also, if you are attacked by the students wearing them, it’s easier to identify the culprits if you know which school they are from. 

You think I’m joking but I’m not: a girl from a local school hurled abuse at the Hub one day as he was waiting in the car for her to cross the road; he knew her uniform and was able to complain to the school; they tracked her down; she sent a letter of apology to him.

This is Tory Boy’s uniform during the last three years of high school.  

It could have been worse; and was: 

A year or so before TB attended high school, the pupils had been allowed to choose the uniform.  Then someone had the good sense to sack the head, and the new head re-introduced blazers.  Unfortunately, Tory Boy was already at college by then, where no uniform at all is required.  

He compensated by becoming Student President and introducing…college hoodies.

I give up.

Think of me out there today, cast adrift on a sea of striped ties and black socks with only a grumpy Hub and a bored teenager for company.  I could be doing something interesting, like cleaning.


Joke 509

14 Aug



Fisherman (Photo credit: sergej zlahtic / serzz)

Many years ago, a fisherman and his wife had twin sons, but they didn’t know what to name them. The husband said, “Let’s just wait. If we wait long enough, the names will simply occur to us.”

After several weeks, they noticed something peculiar about the children. When left alone, one boy would face the sea, and the other would face inland.  “Let’s call the boys Toward and Away,” suggested the fisherman, and his wife agreed.

Years passed, and one day the fisherman told his adult sons, “It’s time that you learned how to make a living from the sea.”  The fisherman and his sons provisioned their ship and set sail for a three-month voyage.

At the voyage’s end, the fisherman returned alone.  “What happened?” his wife cried.

“We were barely one day out to sea,” the fisherman explained solemnly,”when Toward hooked a great fish.  Toward fought long and hard, but the fish was great and strong.  For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves, yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Toward was pulled over the side.  He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.

“Oh dear!” the wife cried.  “What a huge fish that must have been!  What a terrible fish!  What a horrible fish!”

“Yes, it was,” her husband sadly replied, “but you should have seen the one that got Away.”

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