Of Mice And Lion

 

I thought it was April 1st the other day, when I turned on the news – apparently, there was a lion on the loose in Essex.  The stoic Brits interviewed didn’t run screaming in terror when they saw it; they went inside to get a camera.

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Then I read this in the Telegraph Online:

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A roaming “lion” which caused an extensive police operation after being spotted in a field in Essex is now believed to be a pet cat, with suspects including a ginger cat called Tom

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If it had been a big cat, there was plenty for it to feast on – from the Telegraph again:

London commuters were left fearing their toes may be nibbled by a gang of wild mice on the underground today…

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The sign was a prank, of course; but what I wouldn’t give to have seen hundreds of underground passengers with their trousers in their socks.

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A Tweet this morning:

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First black tights of the winter. Curse you, August, if that is indeed your real name

Jennifer Williams ‏@JenWilliamsMEN

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You remember I was supposed to be acting this week, for my church’s holiday club for 5-11 year-olds?  I was rather glad not to be there yesterday, when I read this Facebook status by my replacement:

Today’s bit of acting went well except for the fact that I swore on stage. My line was supposed to be about a “missing piece” and my good friend Spooner paid a visit with one of his “isms” and I said pi**ing miece instead.

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Also on Facebook:

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My cousin’s status this morning:

Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why really… just started filling up

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And another one from Facebook:

Related articles

• Farringdon tube mice cause rolled-trouser panic in London (theweek.co.uk)
• Police Fear Safety Of Essex Lion (ranknews.wordpress.com)
• Cartoon: Mac on the Essex Lion (englishblog.com)
• Essex Lion Story Provides Flimsy Pretext For All These Cute Pictures of Lion Cubs (newstatesman.com)
• Essex Lion Shows Up on Twitter, Gets More Than 36,000 Followers (mashable.com)

 

Joke 524

English: Farmer rolling his field Taken from the edge of the business park this photograph shows the farmer rolling his field. Orchard Farm just visible in the distance. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Versions of this one were sent to me by several people, thank you.

A Department of Water representative visits a farm and has a word with the old farmer.  “I need to inspect your farm for the water allocation.” 

“Okay,” says the farmer, “but don’t go in that field over there.”

The man from the ministry says, “Sir, I have the full authority of the Government with me.  See this card?  This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land in the country.  No questions asked or answered.  Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Soon after, he hears loud screams and spies the man from the ministry running for his life in the field, followed by an angry bull.

The man from the ministry sees the farmer and screams for help.  The farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs, “Your card! Show him your card!”