Joke 526

31 Aug

 

From Will & Guy.

Advice For Women

Torso di Barbie

Torso di Barbie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Aspire to be Barbie.  That girl has everything.
  • If the shoe fits, buy them in every colour.
  • Take life with a pinch of salt.  A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
  • Go on the 30 day diet.  I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days.
  • When life gets you down, put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
  • Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
  • Don’t get your knickers in a knot.  It solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
  • When life gives you lemons, turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
  • Remember: wherever there is a good-looking, sweet, single man – there is probably some woman tired of his behaviour.
  • Keep your chin up: only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
  • If it has tyres or testicles, it’s going to give you trouble.
  • By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

 

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22 Responses to “Joke 526”

  1. robincoyle August 31, 2012 at 04:41 #

    As the mom of three girls, the last one spoke to me. Sigh.

    Like

  2. terry1954 August 31, 2012 at 05:29 #

    that was good and so true!!!!!

    Like

  3. viv blake August 31, 2012 at 05:43 #

    I like the last one best.

    Like

  4. Helen Cherry August 31, 2012 at 07:44 #

    🙂

    Like

  5. misswhiplash August 31, 2012 at 07:59 #

    What woman would not agree with all of those ..especially the last one!

    Like

  6. musicgal2012 August 31, 2012 at 08:14 #

    You are priceless !!

    Like

  7. idiosyncratic eye August 31, 2012 at 11:05 #

    I hate Barbie. 😉

    Like

  8. sharechair August 31, 2012 at 11:10 #

    My sons are in their 30’s. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

    Like

  9. adinparadise August 31, 2012 at 14:05 #

    Hahahaha. Love all of these, Tilly. 🙂

    Like

  10. viveka August 31, 2012 at 16:30 #

    Go on the 30 day diet. I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days – absolute brilliant … how true hasn’t that been through the years.
    If the shoe fits, buy them in every colour – is still the truth in my world .. always do. *smile
    Really good .. this is one of your best. Thanks for a big generous smile

    Like

  11. Rorybore September 1, 2012 at 03:59 #

    I had to check my daughter’s Barbie dolls….yep, all got belly buttons. It was easy because for some reason…..they’re all naked right now. Except Ken. Great….I have Barbie porn in my house.

    Like

  12. Pearl September 1, 2012 at 15:43 #

    I’ll keep it polite. Wouldn’t want to lose my Maltesers. 🙂

    The PMS one made hubby laugh hard. The shoe one is how I’d shop.

    Like

  13. benzeknees September 3, 2012 at 08:49 #

    Thanks for all the one-liners I think that’s all I could have handled tonight.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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