Archive | 13:36

Weekly Photo Challenge: Free Spirit

5 Sep

 

My Mum was a free spirit.  She smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish.  I am not at all like her, except in looks.  I drink like a chimney and smoke like a fish.

I made albums for people to read through after her funeral.

My Mum had a child out of wedlock.  Though a Catholic girl in the Fifties, she never once felt ashamed of her beautiful boy.  I had my first child a definite five years after my wedding.

Mum joined the Army as a teenager; she was stationed in London.  She didn’t much like it and went AWOL with a friend, running home to Nan in Liverpool. Nan gave them food, bath and beds, then took them to the police station next morning, where they gave themselves up.  The Army was lenient.

We provided plenty of free spirits for her mourners. It’s what she would have wanted.

Mum loved working and hated that I loved being a stay-at-home Mum.  We disagreed a lot, about a lot of things.  Except that we loved each other.  I always knew I could count on her.

I don’t know the half of what she got up to in her life, though I have learned a bit since she died.  I am too strait-laced to share what I do know (I make rulers look like elastic bands) but, trust me: she was a free spirit.  I miss her every day.

One of the times she’d have approved of me, if she’d been there.

 

Joke 531

5 Sep

 

Cozy Reading Dogs

Cozy Reading Dogs (Photo credit: Enokson)

From dogbreedinfo.

A Doggy Dictionary

LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid that, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

WASTE BASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog’s response to the command “Sit!”  Especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn’t get the attention you require…especially effective when combined with the sniff. 

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.

 

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