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The Magic Number

6 Sep

Thank you to Amba Nair and Addy, who became my 600th subscribers. Unrelated bloggers, they both qualify for the title of Deluded #600, because one is the official 600th subscriber (Addy) and one is the actual 600th subscriber (Amba Nair), though she has the official position of 601st subscriber.  Having worked her way through this awkward first paragraph, however, she may become the 601st unsubscriber.

You are hereby granted permission to eat a single Malteser in celebration, so long as you send the remainder of the packet to me.  I can think of no greater honour to bestow for your excellent taste in blogs.

I was the first official subscriber to my blog – just checking the subscription button worked, I promise.  Viv was the actual first subscriber to my blog; or at least the first person not to unsubscribe.  Thank you, Viv, for sticking with me through good posts and bad.

And thank you to the other 597?8? subscribers, who don’t object to vanity posts like this one.  I love you all.  Don’t leave me, despite my difficulty with numbers.

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I am a week late, sharing the searches that found my blog last month.   I haven’t rushed to do it because August was the dullest month for searches since records began.

There was nothing inspired, like in previous months:

  •  you are only as old as the woman you fee
  • president donkey
  • toilet blob.

I give you the best of a bad August lot:

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I get it

The second search followed the first in the list.  Coincidence?  I think not

  • what makes me happy
  • julia roberts fat

Present 601 company excepted, I have scary readers

  • vasectomy cartoons
  • scalded during shower cartoon
  • coffin cartoons
  • brain surgery cartoon
  • i will miss you cartoon
  • funny acupuncture cartoon
  • facebook stalking cartoons
  • my nose is frozen cartoons
  • girls arm pit stolen
  • tail growthing
  • inflatable teeth lobster
  • entering of maths teachers hating by students funny stills
  • medical waste bags art gallery
  • foot torture

When they’re not scary, they’re weird

  • longest hair from womens sweaty armpit
  • julia roberts harry armpit
  • madonna nude armpit
  • sticky armpits
  • children were taught to be rebels since little kids because of disney
  • smile with teeth cow
  • and so he shot him
  • i brought flower vase from a cemetery is it bad?
  • fart fire alarm
  • pics of amateur nude women showing armpit hair

I have never met an amateur nude; have you?

Some are bone idle

  • insults for lazy people

Sometimes, they bring gifts to grammar geeks like what I am

  • my but is big
  • why are did grammar

This one is clearly a fantasist

(Only people who have read the grim and unrelenting  but much-loved Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card will find this amusing)

  • ender’s game humor

Finally, my favourite search in August was made by someone who is obviously a patriot

  • hairy armpits british flag

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Joke 532

6 Sep

From Will & Guy.

Jacob, aged 92, and Rebecca, aged 89, living in Devon, are excited about their decision to marry. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist’s. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The chemist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married.  Do you sell heart medication?”

Chemist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Chemist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”

Chemist: “Yes, a large variety.  The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, fibre powders?”

Chemist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Chemist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Chemist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “In that case, we’d like to use this store for our wedding presents list.”

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