Joke 535

9 Sep
Linea nigra dark midline streak on a 22 weeks ...

Linea nigra dark midline streak on a 22 weeks pregnant female. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From jokesabout.

Pregnancy Questions Part I

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have a better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Q: Can a woman get pregnant from a toilet seat?
A: Yes, but the baby would be funny looking.

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?

A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: What is a chastity belt?

A: A labour-saving device.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My blood type is O-positive and my husband’s is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A: Then the jig is up.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labour?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Q: What’s the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
A: Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

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12 Responses to “Joke 535”

  1. terry1954 September 9, 2012 at 04:59 #

    these were just so cute and most of them are true!!!!!! or thought of…….hehe

    Like

  2. jmgoyder September 9, 2012 at 07:18 #

    Last one – yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  3. zubayersworld September 9, 2012 at 07:53 #

    Reblogged this on zubayersworld.

    Like

  4. Gobetween September 9, 2012 at 10:49 #

    🙂 I can see which search results you are trying to attract now.

    Like

  5. OyiaBrown September 9, 2012 at 12:21 #

    Reblogged this on OyiaBrown.

    Like

  6. mairedubhtx September 9, 2012 at 12:58 #

    These were good ones!

    Like

  7. grannymar September 9, 2012 at 15:50 #

    Great list. I giggled all the way.

    Like

  8. viveka September 9, 2012 at 21:36 #

    One of the best … my favorite – Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A: Have sex once a year – Big smile before bedtime. Thanks

    Like

  9. thefreshmanexperience September 9, 2012 at 22:19 #

    When your 8 month pregnant wife asks, “Do I look fat?”, under no circumstances should you answer, “Well, you don’t look the same as when I married you.” The next child did not arrive until 4 years later.

    Like

  10. Perfecting Motherhood September 12, 2012 at 02:53 #

    So what’s your question? HAHA!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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