Miss Haxby is holding a newborn baby that is in an incubator at the Toronto Western Hospital in Toronto, Ont (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
From jokesabout.
Pregnancy Questions Part II
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.
Q: What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Does labour cause hemorrhoids?
A: Labour causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?
A: When it’s a girl, for starters.
Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts.
Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A: Yes, baby lips.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q: How does one sanitize nipples?
A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q: What are the terrible twos?
A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s nappy very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
The Laughing Housewife 
lol
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Never had kids myself, but at least two of my sisters love this list!
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The best one’s the last lol but so true!
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Trying to tell us something Tilly? Two days in a row with pregnancy jokes? Ha, ha!
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Too old, I swear!
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I disagree with the last one. My kids are through with college and I’m still not normal.
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If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it 🙂
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I breastfed Kiwi Daughter for 14 months… she was THAT late to cut her first tooth! The but about the terribe two’s is totally true…
Weirdly enough it was Kiwi Daughter who regularly played the game to see if she could pee all over her clothes during nappy changes (before to new one was on) … Little Mr. did it only once!
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Happy days!
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ps. my kids must have a “thing” about producing teeth… Little Mr also got his first one after a year and now is over 7.5 years old and not ONE baby tooth is even wobbly, let alone gone!
…(yes, X-rays revealed a full set of big teeth in the gums “in waiting” … the dentist is delighted, “protective custedy =no fillings!)
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That’s a great way of describing it.
Spud is sixteen and has never needed treatment 😀
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They are so funny, just what I need after a morning at the hospital.
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Poor Grannymar. Hope you are on the mend now.
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I have one from my life to add to this list! I was in a Weight Watchers meeting a few years ago and the leader asked the group how many of the women were trying to take off pounds following childbirth. I raised my hand with a few of the others, and the leader looked at me a little funny. I shared that I was carrying around 25 years of post pregnancy weight. 🙂
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Good one!
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😆 Love that last one.
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I enjoyed all of them but the last one especially!
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After this I think I made a good decision – not having any children . *smile – Very Good!
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