I made the mistake last night of wearing winter pyjamas in autumn. On top of which, the Hub tells me, I flat refused – in my sleep – to share the bedspread. Rolled up in layers, it was inevitable that I would have bad dreams; I always have bad dreams when I’m too hot.
I am grumpy this morning because I haven’t had enough sleep because the bad dreams woke me up; and I’m not in the mood to write. Instead, I present you with a cobbling of two posts from September 2010.
Enjoy.
If you want to stay out of my bad books.
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I spotted this job today, from The Arts Council:
Wanted: Executive Ass.
‘Executive Ass’ as in ‘Executive Assistant’.
An ass is also a bottom.
The picture above is of Bottom in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Bottom (one of the earliest transformers in literature) became an ass. Bottom was a bit of an idiot.
Executives are often idiots, therefore the Arts Council ad could read:
Wanted: Idiot’s Idiot.
A synonym for executive is brass; the ad could also read:
Wanted: Brass Ass.
Some other synonyms, courtesy of thesaurus.com:
- Chief Ass
- Controlling Ass
- Head Ass
- General Ass
- President Ass
- Upstairs Ass
- Bureaucratic Ass
- Official Ass
- Presiding Ass
- Ruling Ass
- Supervising Ass
I’m just having fun, but it is entirely possible that at some point these were all genuine jobs advertised in The Guardian.
From Wikipedia:
Ass may refer to:
- DonkeyAmerican English informal term for buttocks
- Arse Old English word for buttocks, from which the American English ‘ass’ is derived. Arse is nowadays used as an informal term for buttocks in British English
According to Wikipedia, a male donkey is known as a jack. All donkeys are hard-working. Hence, when Abigail Bartlet calls Jed a ‘jack ass’ in The West Wing (more than once, I might add), she is not really insulting the greatest fictional American president who never lived, but reminding him of how industrious he is.
A female is known as a jenny and her gestation period is twelve months. She’s a ninny because it’s longer than for a bunny or a nanny goat though she’s canny because expectant mummies tend to be bonny (despite often needing the dunny) and without even a whinny she will regain her figure because vegans tend to be skinny and I’m stopping now because this is no longer funny.
Hee haw.
I couldn’t sleep either last night as it was on my mind about having the pups put to sleep..but never mind there is another night tonight maybe that will be better… don’t be grumpy..it does not suit your image
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Have a kick-ass weekend, Tilly. 🙂
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The picture of the boy’s face when the horse/donkey’s face comes through the window is priceless. I think the lad was ass-tonished!
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WHAT ARE YOU ON?
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Thank you, i was also wondering
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Eish, nightdonkeys, indeed! Try sleeping in the nude – your badass dreams can only improve.
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Too little sleep can have bad effects. 😉
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I cracked up. No pun intended.
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I hope that you sleep better this night and the reflection on asses was very funny. 12 months gestation period for an ass who knew?
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ASS a three-letter word that got me a repremand once. I was told my return memo to the Big Big Boss about how I thought the acronym ASS was perfectly Ok for use on the American Social Survey (now defunded by Republicans). There are some folks here in the US who think the word ASS should be struck from the Bible. Does that mean the ASS is banned from the Bible. What would Noah think? He stowed two of them on his big boat. My old boss used to say, “Assh88es, everywhere I look Assh**es.” Ah life in the colonies…..
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The sentence above should read… “I was told by my boss, that a memo I sent to my big big boss, in which I said, ‘The acronym ASS is perfectly suitable for use when describing the American Social Survey was outrageous. This was the government, mind you and more than one ASS could be found in the agency.
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Hope you sleep better tonight. That picture of the Ass peering in on the girl in the car nearly made me spill my coffee
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You were definitely off on one there !
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Grumpy pants have some Maltesers.
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Take a cold water bottle to bed tonight? And a cold flannel for your fevered brow?
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I know a lot of asses … too – but not worth bringing up in blog – they don’t know they’re .. and I don’t what to make an ass of myself neither. This is … an ass of a post. Brilliant.
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Ok, I enjoyed it, not just because I’m afraid not to.
It’s a kick-ass post
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Uhhhhhhhhhhh
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Funny Tilly!
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Hee Hee! Love your wordy-ness. Please don’t stop! Found you via Janet (I got a fancy button too!). I am at one with you over the ‘notsleepingwellthroughwearingtoomanylayers’ except my disturbed night was due to so mental idiocy in my part that thought wearing my coat to bed might be a good idea. Nope. Now I’m a little cranky too!
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