Joke 561

5 Oct

From Will & Guy.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

Mohandas K. Gandhi (Photo credit: Dunechaser)

Famous people can be funny…

  • Gandhi was once asked what he thought of Western Civilisation. Gandhi replied, “I think that it would be a very good idea.”
  • Nobody believes the official spokesman…but everybody trusts an unidentified source. – Ron Nesen
  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. – George Burns
  • There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock. – Will Rogers
  • You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show. – Mitch Hedberg
  • Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. – Napoleon Bonaparte

Sports men are particularly amusing…

  • New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
  • Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
  • “Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
  • Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
  • Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
  • Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
  • Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’
  • Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

And our own Murray Walker, Formula 1 Commentator, is up there with the best…

  • “He’s obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can’t see it.”
  • “With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go.”
  • “Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna’s Lotus sounding rough?”
  • “As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.”
  • “He is shedding buckets of adrenalin in that car.”
  • “…And I interrupt myself to bring you this….”
  • “This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well.”
  • “Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.”
  • “Tambay’s hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now.” 
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14 Responses to “Joke 561”

  1. hattie October 5, 2012 at 04:12 #

    These are so funny! What is it about sports guys anyway? I had a coach one time who said things like that constantly.

    Like

  2. vivinfrance October 5, 2012 at 04:34 #

    Great stuff. Don’t you just have to laugh at Murray Walker? I think it’s called “running off at the mouth.”

    Like

  3. jmgoyder October 5, 2012 at 05:05 #

    What a brilliant collection – thanks!!!!

    Like

  4. The Wanderlust Gene October 5, 2012 at 05:35 #

    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. – George Burns. I wish he’d said it to the rector of St. John’s Darlinghurst when I was a girl – no wonder the church was empty except for us poor boarding school girls who were obliged/no, forced to sit, hour after freezing hour as he chased red herrings from the pulpit.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife October 8, 2012 at 11:37 #

      You poor thing! I immediately thought of Jane Eyre at Lowood School.

      Like

      • The Wanderlust Gene October 9, 2012 at 15:21 #

        You’re right … we were too browbeaten to think of anything, except the cold creeping up from our toes 🙂

        Like

  5. bluebee October 5, 2012 at 06:07 #

    I didn’t realise that Ghandi was such a wit 🙂

    Like

  6. sarsm October 5, 2012 at 14:30 #

    Mr. Bush could have his very own post, I think… 😉

    Like

  7. slpmartin October 5, 2012 at 16:24 #

    I really liked these…gave a good start to my day before I begin my household chores.

    Like

  8. Perfecting Motherhood October 5, 2012 at 17:53 #

    Wow, those sportsmen are impressive with their wisdom and sharp minds. Yikes!

    Like

  9. katharinetrauger October 5, 2012 at 20:16 #

    Very dangerous reading with a mouth full of chocolate chip cheesecake in a posh deli! 😀

    Like

  10. lanceleuven October 6, 2012 at 10:50 #

    ‘Nobody believes the official spokesman…but everybody trusts an unidentified source. – Ron Nesen’ – So true! And Murray Walker is just a legend…

    Like

  11. benzeknees October 6, 2012 at 22:41 #

    Loved this one! It’s so typical.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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