Joke 567

11 Oct

 

According to Will & Guy, these are genuine notes left out for the milkman.

English: A Dairy Crest ex-Unigate Wales & Edwa...

English: A Dairy Crest ex-Unigate Wales & Edwards Rangemaster Milk Float. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Please don’t leave any more milk.  All they do is drink it.
  • Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
  • Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
  • Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.
  • Dear milkman I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.
  • Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.
  • Cancel one pint after the day after today.
  • Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
  • Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
  • When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
  • Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.
  • My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?
  • Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
  • Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.
  • Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
  • From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.
  • My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
  • Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
  • When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t leave any milk.
  • No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

 

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15 Responses to “Joke 567”

  1. Gabrielle Bryden October 11, 2012 at 04:52 #

    Totally fall of the chairable – again – bwahahahaha

    Like

  2. eof737 October 11, 2012 at 04:52 #

    😆 At least, they still deliver…

    Like

  3. jmgoyder October 11, 2012 at 05:20 #

    Oh too funny!

    Like

  4. vivinfrance October 11, 2012 at 07:27 #

    There are no milkmen in France. What a lot we miss!

    Like

  5. Grannymar October 11, 2012 at 16:06 #

    Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. In fact don’t leave any milky stuff since my body does not like it!

    Like

  6. katharinetrauger October 11, 2012 at 18:06 #

    Tilly! I’m sitting in a resaurant reading this while I wait for my friend to join me. I cannot stop laughing! All the folks around me are sourpusses and irritated that I’m having SUCH fun! Ha! 😀

    Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife October 12, 2012 at 10:04 #

      You need to change your restaurant 🙂

      Like

      • katharinetrauger October 12, 2012 at 14:12 #

        Ever watch Andy Griffith shows? I live in a place just like Mayberry USA. Nearest change in restaurants raises the cost of eating lunch by about $5 for gasoline. 🙂

        Like

      • katharinetrauger October 12, 2012 at 14:14 #

        Oh, but — maybe I am changing this restaurant from the inside, out. 😉

        Like

        • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife October 12, 2012 at 18:02 #

          I like the way you think 🙂

          Like

          • katharinetrauger October 12, 2012 at 22:29 #

            Either the other guests will get happy or else I’ll get asked to leave! 😆
            I like the way you think, too 🙂

            Like

            • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife October 13, 2012 at 06:38 #

              😀

              Like

  7. Pseu October 11, 2012 at 23:01 #

    Dead until further notice!

    Like

  8. benzeknees October 12, 2012 at 00:27 #

    I remember home milk delivery (from when I was a child & then again when my daughter was a baby). Funny notes!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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