On Bullying

15 Oct

This post is dedicated to Doodlemum and her daughter, Millie. 

Amanda Todd

Dianne, over at Schmidleysscribbling gave me the Sunshine Award (thank you, Dianne).

I mention it because of the reason she gave for nominating me:

She [me, Tilly] is the kid I loved in school because I was a “goody-two shoes” and she was the kid always into mischief and making me laugh.

I apologise, Dianne but, like John Lennon, I’m going to have to return my award, though I like that you think I have always been this way.

Because…I was not that girl in school.  

I was an even goodier-two shoes than you.  I was never into mischief; I never deliberately put a foot wrong, challenged a teacher, disobeyed a rule, got into an argument.  I was a terrified mouse, bullied by some, protected by kind others – big, tough girls who were nice to me.  

I was more fortunate than Amanda Todd, 15, who was found dead last week, possibly by suicide, after posting a You Tube video describing her torment.  

Haters are now leaving horrible messages  on her memorial page.  I just don’t understand the need for such malice.

A belated ‘thank you’ to the girls who looked after me.  You made the hell that was my school life a little easier to bear.  And my choice of husband easy – he was you with a beard: big (shouldered), tough and always there for me, protecting and looking out for me.

Thinking about this made me wonder, readers: how many of you are still the people you were at school?  

If you were a bully, I forgive you.

35 Responses to “On Bullying”

  1. viveka October 15, 2012 at 11:33 #

    There should be no place for any bullying or abuse in our society nd the society is us. Scary, and so many young people all over the world commit suicide because how they are treated at school and at home. It’s only us that can change that.


  2. jmgoyder October 15, 2012 at 11:39 #

    Oh this is so heartbreaking. Hell.


  3. faydanamyjake October 15, 2012 at 11:55 #

    Great post. I am still the kid I was at school. Nice but dim:) Bullying is simply dreadful.


  4. jmgoyder October 15, 2012 at 11:57 #

    I am still reeling from this post. There have always been bullies of course but with the internet it has become so much worse for beautiful kids like Amanda because of how a situation that might have been contained once becomes viral. The haters (that is a great way of putting it) are hateful and I just don’t get this. I didn’t know about Amanda until I read this post and watched the youtube. I have never been able to understand cruelty and what is disturbing is that there seems to be so much of it. Oh Tilly.


  5. faydanamyjake October 15, 2012 at 12:07 #

    That movie is heart wrenching and a timely reminder of the dangers of social media for young people.


  6. rumpydog October 15, 2012 at 12:07 #

    I am not the person I was in high school. And I was not a bully, though I did do my fair share of tormenting those who thought they were better than the rest of us.


  7. Carol October 15, 2012 at 12:34 #

    Watched the video, it was heart rending. People who do this sort of thing are sick in the head.


  8. boomiebol October 15, 2012 at 12:47 #

    Great post Tilly; shame on those kids still leaving horrible messages. I wonder what we are becoming as a society these days…

    I was nice in school… My younger sister was my saving grace


  9. Doodlemum October 15, 2012 at 12:50 #

    Thank you so much. I can’t bring myself to watch the video just yet and my heart goes out to the poor girl’s family who must be devastated. MIllie is having her first week at her new school, she’s finding it hard but I hope she’ll settle in very soon. x


  10. Pseu October 15, 2012 at 13:13 #

    A moving post, Tilly.


  11. vivinfrance October 15, 2012 at 13:15 #

    Terrible. What can we do to change things?


  12. katharinetrauger October 15, 2012 at 13:21 #

    So sad.One wonders where were the parents and school staff during all this. So sorry you also suffered, Tilly. Glad you rose from the ashes to give back laughter. Love you. I surely would adopt any kid tormented like that, but how can we find them, help them? Any clues? Thanks for posting this, Dear.


  13. Tinman October 15, 2012 at 13:24 #

    I’ve gone over and read Doodlemum’s post, it’s so sad what kids have to go through and how, despite all the efforts of teachers and parents, it just seems that school bullying will always be with us.
    I haven’t had the courage to watch the video, but my heart goes out to that poor girl.


  14. mairedubhtx October 15, 2012 at 13:27 #

    I was a goody-two-shoes at school. I always did what I was told to do. There was little bullying at our school but there were the popular girls and then the rest of us. I was in the rest. I survived. I glad I wasn’t bullied and my heart goes out to those children who are bullied at school today. I want to tell them it will get better, that this is not all there is to life. But for these children it’s all they can see. To the bullies I say, some day you will meet someone who will bully you. This situation has to stop.


  15. siberianstarbeads October 15, 2012 at 14:03 #

    I don’t understand this need of children–or anybody, really–to be so hateful to someone else. I was bullied in elementary school. I was regularly beat up by one particular girl, and the other kids would get off the bus at my stop just to watch, not to help me in any way. It made life miserable. But I had other friends and great parents: I got through it. It seems that things are worse now than they were in the 70s, and its heartbreaking.


  16. sharechair October 15, 2012 at 14:05 #

    Horrible. I’m going to use this in a blog post of my own…. with full credit to you for bringing it to my attention, of course.


  17. SchmidleysScribbling October 15, 2012 at 14:10 #

    Kids at school bullied me because I was Catholic, had a Yankee accent and a German sounding last name. Boys followed me home from school and threw mud balls into my back. Sometimes they put stones in the mudballs to make them hurt. Some kids got around me in a circle and told me I worked for the Devil. A couple of big girls “protected” me. My daughter had the same experience in high school. Black girls came to her defense.

    Its hard to be different. I didn’t accuse you of being a bully, only being like the kids who made me laugh. Bullies don’t make you laugh. Dianne


    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife October 15, 2012 at 14:21 #

      Dianne, I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that you were accusing me of being a bully. That was the farthest thing from my intention.

      What I was saying is that I wasn’t a laughing, happy girl in school; and why.

      I really am very sorry if you thought I was accusing you. I absolutely was not.


  18. adinparadiseSylvia October 15, 2012 at 14:31 #

    We had terrible bullies at school, who of course, picked on the most vulnerable children. Do you think that small bullies, grow up to be big bullies? I would imagine so. 😦


  19. terry1954 October 15, 2012 at 14:34 #

    i don’t understand bullying, what’s the point? it seems they are lacking self esteem and have to prove themselves


  20. SchmidleysScribbling October 15, 2012 at 15:25 #

    I am confused. The Sunshine Award is for bringing sunshine into people’s lives. I know you know that I know you know neither you nor i were bullies. So there. I still say I was a better goody-two shoes than you. Dianne


  21. laurieanichols October 15, 2012 at 15:37 #

    Wonderful post Tilly. My baby girl and I were discussing Amanda just this weekend and how sad it was that she took her own life. Both the baby girl and I were bullied in school and Amanda’s case makes us very sad. I was very much like you Tilly, a goody two shoes but I was made fun of a lot, so was my baby girl. The social media’s ability to grant access to victims non stop is what I think is driving the suicide rate up. I at least had refuge in my books. My baby girl had refuge in her imagination and her family. Sad.


  22. idiosyncratic eye October 15, 2012 at 16:57 #

    Amen! 🙂


  23. gigihawaii October 15, 2012 at 17:51 #

    How awful. I was never bullied in school, but now and then someone would tease me about my teeth, legs and hair.


  24. kateshrewsday October 15, 2012 at 20:06 #

    I am the same person, Tilly. I’ve just found a lot more like minds over the years.


  25. Tom (Aquatom1968) October 15, 2012 at 20:19 #

    I’ve seen a lot of posts about this video, Tilly, but haven’t watched it. I can imagine what the young girl went through because of the way I was treated throughout school. I hope I’ve moved on now, and put it all behind me, but the memories never go away. If I see someone now who bullied me (back then) in the street I would walk away in the other direction or pretend not to notice them. I don’t care if they feel bad for what they did – that’s their problem now.
    Bullying has no place in society, yet it is everywhere. Workplaces, schools, even within families. Things are changing, bullies are now being brought to task for their actions (especially the ‘cyber-bullies’)… but will bullying stop? I hope so, but I feel we still have a long way to go. Always look towards the good, though, and those times may be here sooner than we think.

    Sorry for the long comment, Tilly.


  26. Katherine Gordy Levine October 16, 2012 at 03:30 #

    Will pin this on my Challenged Children and Adults Board. I come to you for laughs, but this is such an important subject. I forgive you for making me cry.


  27. Amba Nair October 16, 2012 at 05:22 #

    So many people said so many things. But none of it matters now because Amanda’s gone.What matters now, is how we help other children who are being bullied. People have said that Amanda’s case was somehow given so much more importance because she was pretty-but the fact remains that something as terrible as bullying NEEDS all the attention it can get.

    I was a geek who had a bunch of cool friends in school. Fortunately these friends loved me who for I was- the not-so-cool Head Girl. A lot of people thought I had the ideal life, but I often worried about my appearance, my lack of boyfriends and how to maintain my perfect image. I have changed a lot in the past 6 years. I have learnt the hard way that a lot of the things I worried about in high school didn’t really matter in the long run. Most importantly when I look back on those years, I don’t remember the self-doubt or the stress , I just remember all the amazing friends who helped me through.

    Thank you for posting this message Tilly. As always, your posts leave me thinking.


  28. Three Well Beings October 16, 2012 at 06:03 #

    Amazing, Tilly! Amanda’s story breaks my heart. Some of my best friends in school were bullied, and I was the one trying for all my might to stop it. Of course, when I was in school, bullying, although never okay, didn’t have the same level of cruelty that I hear about today. my younger years, but bullying, thankfully, was never a part of my life. Sobering. Debra


  29. benzeknees October 16, 2012 at 06:28 #

    I am happy to say I was never a bully, but I was bullied. Thanks goodness it was before Facebook, etc. or I don’t know how I could survive.


  30. bluebee October 16, 2012 at 15:07 #

    I read a response to this terrible story in the paper today which made my blood boil – such a seemingly widespread lack of (even basic) empathy is something society should be very concerned about.


  31. sarsm October 16, 2012 at 23:20 #

    I moved schools several times as a child. At two of those schools I was bullied. Once some girls caused me to seriously burn my hand, leaving several blisters. It was an awful time and I would wish that society had moved on, especially with all the anti-bullying campaigns we hear of nowadays.

    I wanted to ask just how many Amanda’s it would take to make a difference? Then I read on about the ‘haters’. I am at a loss. How can society move forward when it contains such warped individuals?

    Many years ago, I met the sister of a schoolgirl who had gone missing locally (her body was only recovered fairly recently). I discovered that people used to call the parents and tell them they had abducted the schoolgirl and had done this and that to her. They weren’t the real perpetrators, but they felt the need to put the parents through even more suffering.

    I was shocked to the core then and I’m shocked to the core now.



  32. eof737 October 17, 2012 at 06:20 #

    You are far more generous to those bullies… I say they should seek mental health help not my forgiveness. As for the haters, karma is a bitch with a long memory! Pushing others over the edge for sport is unconscionable…. May Amanda rest in peace.


  33. Grannymar October 18, 2012 at 19:56 #

    Thank you, Tilly for hi-lighting this issue. It is nearly 50 years since I left school and I was bullied. Unfortunately it was by the nuns.


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