Archive | 21:19

I’m Back!

24 Oct

And so are the WordPress prompts!  O happy day!

High on the Happy Side

High on the Happy Side (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First, me: I’m not really back; I just need a break from banishing extraneous semi-colons and you know I can’t stay away from blogging even when I’ve told you I’m staying away from blogging.*  But I won’t be visiting you yet, sorry.

Didn’t  I do well? I went one whole day without posting!

*I’m sure that sentence needed a semi-colon after ‘semi-colon’.

For readers who joined us this year, in 2011 the WordPress people posted a prompt a day to encourage bloggers to post every day.  I needed no encouragement to post but I liked the idea, so I signed up.

I took the prompts seriously at first but on the day they asked us how we would react to kittens in a sack on a railway track, my seriousness flew out of the window, typing fingers dug deep into the back of their credibility.

It led to responses like these:

What makes someone beautiful?

An offer to clean my house in one hand and a bag of Maltesers in the other.

*

How do you know when it’s time to go?

I get a little damp patch around my lower-middle area.

*

Will Smith

Will Smith (Photo credit: Martin de Witte)

Describe the perfect sandwich.

Will Smith.Me.BradPitt.

What?  It could happen…

*

What shoul​d you do w​hen sick o​n vacation​?

Find a bucket, quick.  Some things cross the cultural divide.

*

What does “home” mean to you?

Too much cleaning; too little pay.  But at least I know where I keep the buckets.

*

What is your favorite way to get physical exercise?

I have a really good system: I spend all morning at the computer, exercising my brain and fingers at your blogs.  At some point I fall into a dead faint, which tells me I’m hungry.

  • walk from computer to kitchen
  • put kettle on
  • walk back to computer
  • walk from computer to kitchen
  • make tea
  • prepare cereal
  • walk back to computer
  • eat cereal whilst reading blogs
  • walk back to kitchen
  • get piece of fruit (also known as ‘packet of crisps’)
  • walk back to computer
  • eat frusps whilst reading blogs
  • walk back to kitchen to dispose of fruit packet
  • get another piece of fruit (also known as ‘chocolate’)
  • walk back to computer
  • eat other fruitlate whilst reading blogs
  • walk back to kitchen to dispose of other fruit packet
  • walk back to computer with tea, now at perfect drinking temperature (adding weights to an exercise regime gives a better workout)
  • drink tea whilst reading blogs
  • walk back to kitchen with almost-empty mug (it is impolite to drain the cup)
  • walk back to computer
  • read blogs

As you can see, I get a lot of aerobic exercise on a daily basis.  Time to celebrate with a slap-up meal!

*

My readers and I decided that I didn’t have to introduce every prompt post with the sentence, The WordPress prompters asked….

If a post has an italicised, bold introduction, it’s probably a WordPress prompt and you should expect a silly answer.

And I wonder why I’ve never been Freshly Pressed.

*

If you enjoyed these responses, here are some more:

 

Joke 580

24 Oct

From Will & Guy.

Canned sliced peaches

Canned sliced peaches (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?”

She replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she answered that she was hungry.  The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.

She told him, “Six.”

The judge said, “Then I will give you six days in jail.”

Suddenly, the woman’s husband stood up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, “What is it?”

The husband replied, “She also stole a can of peas.”

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