Joke 586

30 Oct
Vines

Vines (Photo credit: Ted & Dani Percival)

From punoftheday.

I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden.
It didn’t have much of a plot.
*

I love one-liners like this (it’s only on two lines because space is limited), so I found a few more for you on the Telegraph website, of all places.

Tim Vine (this one won him an award):

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.

Tim with another award winner:

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

Matt Kirshen:

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.

Mr Vine again (I’m a fan):

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

 
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20 Responses to “Joke 586”

  1. adinparadise October 30, 2012 at 04:02 #

    Love these. 🙂 Good morning, Tilly.

    Like

  2. Katharine Trauger October 30, 2012 at 04:07 #

    O, u qt! I nv u! 😉

    Like

  3. terry1954 October 30, 2012 at 04:13 #

    i love one liners!!!

    Like

  4. jmgoyder October 30, 2012 at 05:41 #

    Love the chess one!

    Like

  5. slpmartin October 30, 2012 at 06:10 #

    Ah…the first one was my favorite.

    Like

  6. vivinfrance October 30, 2012 at 09:48 #

    Love ’em all. They made Jock chuckle – a good thing, as he’s been in a black humour lately.

    Like

  7. OyiaBrown October 30, 2012 at 10:54 #

    Reblogged this on OyiaBrown and commented:
    You could have added, from the late Eric Sykes: I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion as it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

    Like

  8. Elaine - I used to be indecisive October 30, 2012 at 12:15 #

    I like all of these! One liners are so clever!

    Like

  9. robincoyle October 30, 2012 at 14:58 #

    A chuckle is a nice way to start the day. Thanks Tilly!

    Like

  10. Amiable Amiable October 30, 2012 at 16:03 #

    Bwaahaahaahaa! (Spitting coffee with laughter). Puns are my favorite, and I’m not ashamed to say it. Followed by the one-liners, because I can’t remember jokes any longer than those. My most recent favorite, still lingering in my brain: I was in the bank the other day and this old lady asked me to help her check her balance. So I shoved her.

    Like

  11. viveka October 30, 2012 at 21:33 #

    Great ones … love the chess one. *smile

    Like

  12. Three Well Beings October 31, 2012 at 05:18 #

    All were quite clever. I just wish I could remember them later! 🙂

    Like

  13. joursdemots October 31, 2012 at 12:12 #

    I asked the butcher why his chickens were so expensive. “They’re corn-fed,” he said, ‘raised by Tim Vine.”

    Like

  14. Grannymar October 31, 2012 at 16:25 #

    😆

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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