Joke 588

1 Nov
Tim Vine

Tim Vine (Photo credit: DLNY)

I enjoyed those one-liners* the other day so much, I treat you to some more, courtesy of Tim Vine, via the Telegraph.

  • Exit signs?  They’re on the way out!
  • Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts.  I said, ‘You just can’t let it go, can you?’
  • I saw this advert in a window that said, “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.”  I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.’
  • Do you ever get that when you’re halfway through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was’?
  • Velcro?  What a rip-off!

 

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5 Responses to “Joke 588”

  1. terry1954 November 1, 2012 at 04:21 #

    LMAO

    Like

  2. slpmartin November 1, 2012 at 04:22 #

    Oh…those one liners are always something to consider.

    Like

  3. Grannymar November 1, 2012 at 17:52 #

    I love these one liners, for some reason they remind me of my mother.

    Like

  4. lanceleuven November 1, 2012 at 23:54 #

    Oh yes. The one-liner king! Did you hear his Edinburgh Fringe runner-up:

    “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. ”

    (Although I did also quite like the winner by Stewart Francis: “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”)

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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