Joke 589

2 Nov

Thank you to Philo Yan for sending me this one.

0941 Orbulina universa

0941 Orbulina universa (Photo credit: ProfSimonHaslett)

These are (allegedly) genuine answers from 16 year olds to exam questions. I’m not convinced, but they’re good for a laugh.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

*
Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
I,O,U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

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19 Responses to “Joke 589”

  1. judithatwood November 2, 2012 at 04:06 #

    Good giggles! How’s your NaNoWriMo going?

    Like

  2. Katharine Trauger November 2, 2012 at 04:12 #

    hahahaha 🙂

    Like

  3. vivinfrance November 2, 2012 at 07:15 #

    Very funny – some more credible than others.

    Like

  4. benzeknees November 2, 2012 at 08:06 #

    Loved these!

    Like

  5. jmgoyder November 2, 2012 at 09:35 #

    I wonder if some of these are true!

    Like

  6. sharechair November 2, 2012 at 11:13 #

    I’m going to add “fibula” to my vocabulary. 🙂

    Like

  7. Grannymar November 2, 2012 at 15:52 #

    “Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A. Keep it in the cow”

    I like that one best.

    Like

  8. Janie Jones November 2, 2012 at 17:15 #

    So funny. Can’t stop giggling. Reminds me of a book I saw over the summer, which I can’t remember the name of right now, but it was essentially a book just about bogus test responses of this nature. After standing there for nearly a half an hour laughing over the book I contemplated buying it, but decided, I’d already read it so what was the point. Although, it probably would have been polite on account of all the spit and tears that fell on it during my laughing fits.

    Like

  9. slpmartin November 2, 2012 at 18:39 #

    If I look through some of my old exams taken by my students…I suspect I could find a few like these. 🙂 Thanks for the smiles.

    Like

  10. lanceleuven November 2, 2012 at 22:03 #

    I bet that even if they aren’t true there’s some just as crazy ones out there! I remember discovering that during an RE lesson at school one of my classmates had explained that during Jesus’ crucifixion he was “mopped” by the crowd – he’d meant to say “mocked”.

    Like

  11. Three Well Beings November 3, 2012 at 22:09 #

    These are absolutely hysterical! I love the one about keeping the milk in the cow to avoid the milk spoiling! Very practical! 🙂 Seizure…Roman emperor! Oh my!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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