Show me a person who doesn’t fear receptionists and I’ll show you the person who runs the organisation and employs receptionists specifically to keep us plebs out.
The law of averages dictates that at least one of my readers is bound to be a receptionist of some sort so I acknowledge in advance that you are absolutely not one of the following monsters who ruin ordinary lives, being the exception that proves the rule. Though how an exception proves a rule, I’ve never understood: surely an exception disproves the rule?
Dear Reception Exception, you’re not by any chance gatekeeper to someone who can explain that, are you?
10. Switchboard Operators
Receptionists with delusions of grandeur and real power. Think your partner is having an affair because you can never get hold of them? They’re not – they just annoyed the Switchboard Operator who won’t now put calls through.
They come in at Number Ten because mobile phones and email are stripping them of their ability to break up your relationship.
9. Receptionists Who Work in Government Offices
Your taxes pay their salaries so, effectively, they work for you.
Like they care about that.
8. Conglomerate Receptionists
Professional, attractive, friendly, helpful.
They are the bait that conglomerates use to hook you. Be prepared for a thorough fleecing and some mixed metaphors.
7. Office Administrators
Receptionists with delusions of grandeur. I’ve been one. I know whereof I speak. Ask me for a new pen and see how quickly you lose an eye.
6. Gym Receptionists
Like Conglomerate Receptionists but with sickeningly gorgeous figures in lycra and the ability to shave money from your bank account for an indefinite period of time.
5. Job Centre Receptionists
How dare you be unemployed!? Get out, scum.
4. Hairdressers’ Receptionists
Slim, beautiful, perfectly coiffed and manicured.
Intimidating in an I-can’t-believe-you’d-dare-visit-this-over-priced-salon-in-no-make-up-and-wearing-that sort of way.
3. Post Office Counter Staff
So unhelpful and unfriendly, they count as Honorary Receptionists.
Tell me I’m wrong.
2. School Receptionists
‘Grim’ is their default facial expression setting.
I never met one yet who didn’t terrify me. Though there was one tiny, skinny, middle-aged woman in my high school years who won points for riding a 750cc motorbike in full leathers and helmet to work. Total astonishment always trumps fear.
1. Medical Receptionists
My failure to prevent the Hub’s future pneumonia is a case in point. They get to be Number One because they hold the power of life and death in their appointment book-wielding hands.
- Clinical Office Front Desk Receptionist (scamfraudalert.org)
- The Doctor’s receptionist (stevesfunnies.com)
- Laughter as brain injury medicine … You don’t look that old (braininjuryselfrehabilitation.com)