Joke 593

6 Nov

More Tim Vine jokes, courtesy of my old school friend, Dave.

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version)

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

  • So I went to the dentist. He said, “Say Aaah.” I said, “Why?” He said, “My dog’s died.”

But I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

  • So I went down the local supermarket. I said, “I want to make a complaint: this vinegar’s got lumps in it.” He said, “Those are pickled onions.”

11 Responses to “Joke 593”

  1. terry1954 November 6, 2012 at 04:04 #

    hehe, good funnies


  2. jmgoyder November 6, 2012 at 04:16 #

    I like the offbeatness of these!


  3. granny1947ranny1947 November 6, 2012 at 04:54 #

    Thanks for the early morning smile.


  4. vivinfrance November 6, 2012 at 10:14 #



  5. Katharine Trauger November 6, 2012 at 14:19 #

    I love pickled onions! 🙂


  6. viveka November 6, 2012 at 19:14 #

    Linda, I’m glad … you had put up that warning sign – because .. this was … not very good or maybe it was so good that it became bad. ????????????????????????????????????????


  7. lanceleuven November 6, 2012 at 23:04 #

    You found some more! 🙂


  8. Grannymar November 7, 2012 at 15:38 #

    I am groaning under the weight of these.


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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