Joke 604

17 Nov

Thanks to Viveka for this one.

Men don’t understand us, so here’s a translation guide:

A woman asks: How much do you love me?  Man an...

(Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

We say: You want
It means: You want

We say: We need
It means: I want

We say: It’s your decision
It means: The correct decision should be obvious

We say: What do you want?
It means: You’ll pay for this later

We say: We need to talk
It means: I’m not pleased

We say: Sure…go ahead
It means: If you dare

We say: I’m not upset
It means: Of course I’m upset you moron

We say: You’re…so manly
It means: You need a shave and you sweat a lot

We say: Be romantic, turn out the lights
It means: I have flabby thighs.

We say: This kitchen is so inconvenient
It means: I want a new house.

We say: I want new curtains
It means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper

We say: I need new shoes
It means: The other forty pairs don’t really fit

We say: Hang the picture there
It means: No, I mean hang it there!

We say: I heard a noise
It means: I noticed you were almost asleep

We say: Do you love me?
It means: I’m going to ask for something expensive.

We say: How much do you love me?
It means: I did something today you’re not going to like

We say: I’ll be ready in a minute.
It means: Take a nap.

We say: Am I fat?
It means: Tell me I’m beautiful

11 Responses to “Joke 604”

  1. terry1954 November 17, 2012 at 04:06 #

    I saw that on her blog, it is cute


  2. jmgoyder November 17, 2012 at 04:10 #

    Very good!


  3. adinparadise November 17, 2012 at 04:14 #

    This had hubby and I rolling on the floor. Well, you know what I mean. 🙂 😀


  4. vivinfrance November 17, 2012 at 07:41 #

    What a peculiar woman! I’ve known some like that and felt sorry for their husbands.


  5. misswhiplash November 17, 2012 at 09:02 #

    just like Neville…he said ‘No’ to getting another dog, but being a woman I realised that he had given the wrong answer and went ahead with getting Benji. Now Neville knows I was right all along…simple logic really


  6. benzeknees November 17, 2012 at 09:15 #

    Great words of wisdom!


  7. slpmartin November 17, 2012 at 18:14 #

    I’ve taken very careful notes on this and will be applying to all future conversations. 🙂 Thanks really got a lot of smiles from these.


  8. Perfecting Motherhood November 18, 2012 at 07:40 #

    You forgot one!

    We say: Can you please take out the trash?
    It means: Please take out the trash NOW.

    When we ask a question, it always implies now. Always. Or else, why would we bother asking it?


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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