I don’t have a daughter.
However, the recent comments on the Breaking Dawn Part 2 post and its follow-up made me wonder what advice I would give to a daughter if I did have one.
Here’s what I came up with:
- Don’t read the Twilight books until you are forty and safe from its pernicious influence. Then feel free to love them, but expect scorn.
- It’s okay to shave your toes. Trust me.
- Love comes and goes. Housework lasts forever.
- Only get a dog if you have no objection to daily walks, whatever the weather; and poo.
- One glass of Coke will clean a year’s worth of grime from a toilet bowl. Think about that before you drink it.
- Be nice to your partner. You may need them to walk the dog some day.
- There is no such thing as too much moisturiser. Your neck, especially, will thank you.
- You cannot have it all; something always has to give. Usually your waistband.
- I will adore your children but don’t ask me to babysit everyday.
- The more clothes you wear, the more clothes you will have to wash. Corollary for teenage daughters: The more clothes you wear on a date, the better for your mother’s nerves.
What advice would you give to your fictional daughter?
These are from Will & Guy.
Joan Rivers on TV with me behind her (Photo credit: Alan Light)
I’m not a fan of put downs because they are mean, but I’m running out of jokes.
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually, I’d rather have the money.
Man: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.
- Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
- I liked your opera. Perhaps I will set it to music. Mozart
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them. Joan Rivers
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- A room temperature IQ.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- It’s so clean out here in Los Angeles. That’s because they don’t throw their garbage away. They turn it into television shows. Woody Allen
- About a play at the theatre: There was a good bit about half way through when we all ate ice-cream.