Joke 607

20 Nov

These are from Will & Guy.

Joan Rivers on TV with me behind her

Joan Rivers on TV with me behind her (Photo credit: Alan Light)

I’m not a fan of put downs because they are mean, but I’m running out of jokes.

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman:  Actually, I’d rather have the money.

*
Man: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

*

  • Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
  • I liked your opera.  Perhaps I will set it to music.  Mozart
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Nice perfume.  Must you marinate in it?
  • She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them.  Joan Rivers
  •  He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
  • A room temperature IQ.
  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  • She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • It’s so clean out here in Los Angeles.  That’s because they don’t throw their garbage away. They turn it into television shows.  Woody Allen
  • About a play at the theatre: There was a good bit about half way through when we all ate ice-cream.
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13 Responses to “Joke 607”

  1. adinparadise November 20, 2012 at 04:09 #

    Love these. Tilly. Please don’t ever run out of jokes. 😕

    Like

  2. slpmartin November 20, 2012 at 04:37 #

    These remind me of one I heard at Harvard University in Boston…”Two professors met while crossing the main green…one asked ‘Have you seen my last book?’…the other professor replied ‘ I certainly hope so.’

    Like

  3. vivinfrance November 20, 2012 at 08:27 #

    If you’re running out of jokes you should have made these last a fortnight: there are 14 jokes in this post.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife November 20, 2012 at 08:31 #

      You are right, of course, but what happens is, I look at a list and I think, ‘Too weak on its own, too weak, too weak…’ and so I put in a few that together make a better whole. Kind of like a box of Maltesers – one on its own is useless; a whole bunch – satisfying.

      Like

  4. bevchen November 20, 2012 at 09:31 #

    “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?” <- Replace the perfume with aftershave and it describes half the men on my train to work.

    Like

  5. misswhiplash November 20, 2012 at 13:56 #

    Give us a Malteser…that will make you laugh!

    Like

  6. viveka November 20, 2012 at 17:10 #

    I’m a massive fan of Joan Rivers – one of the funniest woman in the world .. at least on TV – don’t what to bring down the moral here. *laughing.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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