Ten Tips For My Daughter

20 Nov

I don’t have a daughter.  

However, the recent comments on the Breaking Dawn Part 2 post and its follow-up made me wonder what advice I would give to a daughter if I did have one.

Here’s what I came up with:

  1. Don’t read the Twilight books until you are forty and safe from its pernicious influence.  Then feel free to love them, but expect scorn.
  2. It’s okay to shave your toes.  Trust me.
  3. Love comes and goes.  Housework lasts forever.
  4. Only get a dog if you have no objection to daily walks, whatever the weather; and poo.
  5. One glass of Coke will clean a year’s worth of grime from a toilet bowl. Think about that before you drink it.
  6. Be nice to your partner.  You may need them to walk the dog some day.
  7. There is no such thing as too much moisturiser.  Your neck, especially, will thank you.
  8. You cannot have it all; something always has to give.  Usually your waistband.
  9. I will adore your children but don’t ask me to babysit everyday.
  10. The more clothes you wear, the more clothes you will have to wash. Corollary for teenage daughters:  The more clothes you wear on a date, the better for your mother’s nerves.

*

What advice would you give to your fictional daughter?

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47 Responses to “Ten Tips For My Daughter”

  1. speccy November 20, 2012 at 15:05 #

    I have 2 daughters. I love this!

    Like

  2. boomiebol November 20, 2012 at 15:06 #

    I have real daughters and though they are still babies, I am definitely borrowing these :).

    Like

  3. laurieanichols November 20, 2012 at 15:46 #

    You nailed the proverbial nail on the head. Good job. Baby girl would agree 🙂

    Like

  4. viveka November 20, 2012 at 16:01 #

    Couldn’t said it better myself *smile

    Like

  5. vivinfrance November 20, 2012 at 16:22 #

    That coke one is TRUE. Jock used to say tat if you dropped an extracted tooth into a glass of coke all the enamel would be gone by morning.

    Like

  6. vastlycurious.com November 20, 2012 at 16:34 #

    I have a daughter just into college and I have encouraged her to learn SO MUCH since she was 10 that she would never have to depend on anyone else but herself!

    Like

  7. slpmartin November 20, 2012 at 16:54 #

    A strong knowledge of business and independence of others for financial support would be on my list.

    Like

  8. The Hook November 20, 2012 at 17:14 #

    I don’t have to envision having a daughter; the reality is all-too daunting at times!

    Like

  9. SchmidleysScribbling November 20, 2012 at 18:34 #

    Ha ha. The voice of experience talking. As the mother of a daughter who has had her difficulties, which I am not allowed to discuss in public on fear of disownment, and four granddaughters who are soooo grateful they have last names different from both their mother and me, I can tell you girls listen to everything you say…unlike boys. Dianne

    Like

  10. misswhiplash November 20, 2012 at 19:50 #

    keep your legs crossed at all times

    Like

  11. Katharine Trauger November 20, 2012 at 21:19 #

    Have a real daughter. Should have told her it’s okay to be pretty. She figured it out, late in life, but suffered from thinking there was something wrong with looking really good. She does, bts.

    Like

  12. adinparadise November 20, 2012 at 22:42 #

    Wonderful advice. Love #10. 😀

    Like

  13. Pseu November 20, 2012 at 22:52 #

    You may not have daughters, but some day you’ll have daughter-in-laws. (Now there’s a potentially tricky relationship!)

    I reckon this advice would do well….

    Like

    • Pseu November 20, 2012 at 22:56 #

      Better than this at any rate:

      It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

      Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

      If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

      Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

      Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

      When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else.

      You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

      When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.

      You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

      You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.

      You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

      No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

      I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

      If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/30/mother-in-law-emails_n_887888.html

      Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife November 21, 2012 at 11:01 #

      Hopefully, my future dils don’t speak to their mothers. Then we get the grandkids.

      Like

  14. kateshrewsday November 20, 2012 at 23:11 #

    Top tips, Tilly. *Shuffles off to lavatory with bottle of coke*

    Like

  15. robincoyle November 21, 2012 at 00:49 #

    I have real daughters, but I failed to mention the “shave your toes” bit. Thanks for the reminder.

    Like

  16. benzeknees November 21, 2012 at 10:07 #

    7 of my 10 children were daughters so I gave out a lot of advice. Mostly things like never let ANY MAN become the whole focus of your life, always keep your own interests & your own friends.

    Like

  17. bevchen November 21, 2012 at 11:02 #

    “Love comes and goes. Housework lasts forever.” <- I wish someone had told me that!

    Like

  18. mairedubhtx November 21, 2012 at 14:26 #

    Remember that the housework will still be there tomorrow if you don’t do it today.

    Like

  19. Grannymar November 21, 2012 at 23:51 #

    I have one daughter and you would need to ask her if the advice I gave was of any use. Mind you I don’t remember telling her that after 30 she could tell me what to do! 😉

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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