The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

26 Nov
The Cross Section of a Maltesers

The Cross Section of a Malteser (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Kiwidutch has sensibly learned to love Maltesers, despite the heresy of first mistaking them for faux-Crunchies.

Crunchie Bar insides

Crunchie Bar insides (Photo credit: avlxyz)

It led to me think that there’s not much you don’t know about my likes, dislikes and loves.

Then I opened a packet of cheese & onion crisps and it occurred to me  – hold your breath because I don’t think you’re going to believe this – if I had to give up either cheese & onion crisps or Maltesers, I would give up Maltesers.

I had a think about why I never mention my favourite snack on this blog and I realise it’s because Maltesers don’t give you bad breath, but cheese & onion crisps do.  I don’t want my readers going away with a bad smell under their noses.  Think about it – you can smell them now, can’t you?  And it’s horrible, isn’t it?   I want you to think of me as sweet-smelling.  There’s nothing worse than someone else eating cheese & onion crisps when you’re not.  Okay, war and famine and earthquakes are worse, but admit it – halitosis isn’t far behind. 

Cheese and Onions

Cheese and Onion crisps (Photo credit: Watt_Dabney)

Here is my ideal snack break:

  • A packet of cheese & onion crisps – slowly suck off the flavour, savouring the taste.  But do it in-mouth; licking is simply bad manners, even when eating alone.
  • A packet of Maltesers – slowly suck off the flavour, savouring the taste. But do it in-mouth; licking is simply bad manners, even when eating alone.
  • A mug of Earl Grey tea, black.  Drink at optimum temperature i.e. has been standing 21 minutes if large mug; 17 minutes for small mug. Should be just hot enough to meet the criteria for being a hot drink i.e. hot, but cool enough not to leave you needing a palate graft.  It is a fine art and many a perfect snack time has been destroyed by me jumping up and doing the burney tongue dance around the living room.  A too-cool cup can be re-heated in the microwave, but the effect is already ruined, so I generally don’t bother.  It’s like enjoying that first mug of tea so much you make another, which never tastes the same.
  • Mint chewing gum to disguise the bad breath until a toothbrush can be accessed.

What’s your ideal snack break?



58 Responses to “The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name”

  1. gigihawaii November 26, 2012 at 10:34 #

    I tend to like ice cream bars and frozen juice bars between meals. I also like to chew sugar-free gum. That’s it.


  2. thehutts November 26, 2012 at 10:39 #

    Hot chocolate. Love crisps (but not cheese and onion) when I have a salt graving. I have been indulging in Crunchies to keep me sane this last week. Cool, weak Earl Grey tea with a splash of milk is a must when I get up and between 3-4am! Sally


  3. jmgoyder November 26, 2012 at 10:40 #

    Jarlsberg cheese.


  4. bevchen November 26, 2012 at 10:58 #

    Oooh, posting photos of cheese & onion Walkers is just mean!! I love them and can’t get them here (well, only in the Irish pub).

    My snack of choice (due to lack of decent crisps) is Milka chocolate with Daim.


  5. Ron. November 26, 2012 at 11:57 #

    I cannot abide flavored crisps (ie chips). Will eat almost any dark chocolate, though.


  6. sharechair November 26, 2012 at 12:05 #

    dark chocolate. dark chocolate with coconut filling. kettle chips. chocolate chip ice cream. I try to enjoy all of them every day (which probably explains why my clothes continue to shrink even when I don’t use the dryer).


  7. faydanamyjake November 26, 2012 at 13:29 #

    I was scrolling my reader and it jumped to the picture first. I knew it was your blog. lol
    Jake had a packet of cheese and onion crisps just the other day and it was so smelly! maltesas sort of just happen in this house by accident. they didn’t have what you wanted so I bought some maltesas. this is wrong. I will go buy them on purpose cause they are very yummy indeed.
    One of my favourtire afternoon teas is hot cross buns with real butter oh yes indeedy yummy. 🙂


  8. mairedubhtx November 26, 2012 at 13:42 #

    I have a confession to make. Besides LOVING Lindt’s raspberry dark chocolate truffles, I have a weakness for cheap cheddar cheese popcorn. Yes, the kind where the husks get stuck in your teeth. Oh, the shame!


  9. Katharine Trauger November 26, 2012 at 13:45 #

    Oh, no you don’t! You have to tell us how to make the tea, first, then we’ll tell you about our favorite snacks. ❤


  10. adinparadise November 26, 2012 at 13:46 #

    I keep raw almonds and cashews ready for when I feel a snacking binge coming on. Guess you’ll think I’m nuts not to crave chips and chocolate. 😆


  11. laurieanichols November 26, 2012 at 15:17 #

    I almost fell out of my bed when I read the words that if you had to choose and it wasn’t the Maltesers. Wow. I don’t snack aside from sucking on sugar free Wurthers for my annoying and constant throat irritation. When I used to snack it would be either Garlic and Onion potato chips or Barbeque or Sour Cream and Onion. I stopped snacking a few years ago, my bout with my eating disorder started again and I am keeping it at bay but there are days. No worries though.:)


  12. Grannymar November 26, 2012 at 18:00 #

    Dark chocolate, good for my heart!! Well I cannot tolerate any dairy products so milk chocolate is a no no. For a snack I’ll have a handful of pistachio nuts (or half a bag full if nobody is watching), I’m told they can help destroy bad cholesterol, so I count them as pills! 😉 Than I need to wash them down and a little glass of red wind is just the ticket, isn’t it good for my heart too? See I am not snacking, no way. I am looking after my health! 😀


  13. Gobetween November 26, 2012 at 19:25 #

    Nothing is like it use to be. I loved crisps, there was a time when I consumed packets full and ignored what they might be doing to my waistline. Lately the crisps look old and oily and unappetising. Cruchies are so dry and coarse I had one recently and nearly choked to death. The lunchbars smell like a dirty refridgerator.
    I’ll stick with Maltesers.


  14. Pseu November 26, 2012 at 19:46 #

    It depends. I try not to eat between meals, but the weak spot is the 4 pm dip/ post work time.
    If a substantial snack is needed (eg on a day I haven’t managed to find time for lunch): I’m with Paddington Bear

    Otherwise Garibaldi’s dipped in tea ticks the box 🙂


  15. restlessjo November 26, 2012 at 20:33 #

    And there I was worrying about your husband reading this blog… don’t suppose he’d feel threatened by a bag of Walkers!
    Different things for me, depending on my mood and what’s in the cupboard.


  16. momopolize November 26, 2012 at 20:39 #

    I’m speechless. My heart is full of pity for the poor innocent little Maltesers that just got knocked off their pedestal…


    • momopolize November 26, 2012 at 20:43 #

      Oh, and my ideal snack is…

      Chocolate covered raisins for a sweets fix and potato chips dipped in whipped cream cheese for a salty treat.

      Unless, of course, there is a special occasion (real or made-up). Then I get a box of Russell Stover.


  17. Al November 26, 2012 at 21:04 #

    I need to get a new monitor for this da– computer. I could have sworn I read something about Maltesers taking a back seat to another snack on Tilly Bud’s blog. Please tell me that is a typo and not the sacrilege that it appears to be! What’s next….Harry Potter preferred over the Twilight series?


  18. terry1954 November 26, 2012 at 21:07 #

    my ideal snack is a fried bologna sandwich with onion and mustard on whole wheat bread!!! weird huh!!


  19. Jan November 26, 2012 at 21:11 #

    LOL… a rice thin, with absolutely yummy orange marmalade (no sugar) and greek yoghurt over that.


  20. kateshrewsday November 26, 2012 at 21:40 #

    Chipsticks. Once I have begun I cannot stop until the whole packet is finished, even if it’s 1,000 calories later.


  21. slpmartin November 26, 2012 at 22:47 #

    Is there nothing sacred anymore…the thought of you placing Maltesers second on your list after all these years borders on blasphemy…I feel a need to sequester myself until I recover from this news.


  22. robincoyle November 27, 2012 at 00:29 #

    Big fan of Cheese Puffs here. You don’t have to wear lipstick after eating them. Your lips have a lovely neon orange glow.


  23. benzeknees November 27, 2012 at 05:10 #

    My ideal snack is homemade Nuts & Bolts, followed by Lowney’s Bridge Mixture & a cup of Raspberry Chocolate flavored coffee.


  24. benzeknees November 27, 2012 at 05:17 #

    Oh, I forgot my absolute favorite for cold winter nights – After 8 hot chocolate!!!!!


  25. Elaine - I used to be indecisive November 27, 2012 at 08:27 #

    I know what you mean about Cheese and Onion crisps and breath, but I agree – they are nice.
    I think my favourite snack, with a cup of peppermint tea, would be Bahlsen Choco Leibniz biscuits (dark chocolate version).


  26. sanstorm November 27, 2012 at 23:26 #

    Jacob’s cracked black pepper thins.
    And if I am not dieting, I complement them with wine and brie.
    But i can eat them neat and feel the calories slipping away…


  27. Kay's Musings November 29, 2012 at 06:30 #

    I believe your Maltesers were called malt balls here in Hawaii. I sure did love them when I was a kid. I dare not stick one in my mouth now because I wouldn’t be able to control how much I ate and then my doctor would not be happy with me. Sigh…


  28. Janie Jones December 2, 2012 at 23:53 #

    I am so shocked to hear that there is something that trumps Maltesers that I can’t respond.


  29. Perfecting Motherhood December 4, 2012 at 07:01 #

    I want to say Nutella but I know it will make you gag so I’ll say chocolate instead. Or ice cream if it’s hot.


  30. eof737 December 5, 2012 at 08:39 #

    I love peanuts but I have to watch the calories they add. 😉


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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