Archive | 10:25

Sandra Bullock Has A Sex-Change And Retires To Norfolk

27 Nov
The Rolling Stones discography

The Rolling Stones discography (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Time For Bed, Grandad

The Rolling Stones breached their curfew this week.  Playing at the O2 Arena, according to The Telegraph:

...the quartet, all aged in their 60s and 70s, were half an hour late starting, which meant the concert did not finish until just after 11pm [and] their set ran 40 minutes over a strict curfew.

Quite how strict the curfew was is debatable, given they ran a not insubstantial forty minutes over.

Fans, already annoyed by touts selling tickets at £3000 each – and who showed their displeasure by not purchasing them, leaving empty seats in the arena – were furious that the Stones’ final set omitted I Can’t Get No Satisfaction. Imagine their dissatisfaction, then, when many were left stranded because the tube line they needed to use to get home closed at 11:45pm.

You see, Mr Jagger – there’s a reason for the curfew.

But not to worry: in true British fashion,

It was left to a busker outside the local tube station to reprise I Can’t Get No Satisfaction as concert-goers made their way home.

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Bus, Earlham Rd. Norwich

Bus, Earlham Rd. Norwich (Photo credit: mira66) Not my story, but what a great picture!

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Meanwhile, Over In Norfolk

Ms Bullock, real name Alfred Throop, has been up to her old tricks again, driving speeding buses.  The Telegraph reports:

Alfred Throop, 67, was on the number 58 bus in Northfields, Leicester, on Thursday when the driver fell unconsious [sic] and the bus began to swerve.

Realising what had happened, Throop grabbed the wheel and steered the bus to the side of the road where it collided with metal railings at a pedestrian crossing.

With true British understatement, hero Mr Throop remarked:

“I noticed the bus going from side to side on the road and thought ‘there’s something wrong here’.”

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English: A square of bricks I just love a well...

Up against a brick wall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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One For Alien Hippy‘s Mr Locoman

Mel Thorley of Stockport is having some trouble selling his house.  The Stockport Express reports that Mel’s perfect house [has] a spiral staircase, triple-glazing, two garages and six off-road parking spacesIt’s a great garden for sunbathing, the neighbours are great and it’s a good price.

There’s just one small problem: potential buyers tend to be put off by one little thing.  The paper describes it as:

…four railway engines parked on the back lawnwhich each weigh five tons.

British house buyers – picky, picky, picky.

Joke 614

27 Nov

From ajokeaday.com.

What was that about cats and dogs again?

What was that about cats and dogs again? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Top Ten Differences Between Cats & Dogs:

10. Dogs come when you call them.

  • Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire.

  • Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.

  • Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon.

  • Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you.

  • Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work.

  • Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command.

  • Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk.

  • Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever.

  • Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

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