Archive | 10:00

Didn’t I Tell You We Brits Were Understated?

10 Dec

I read a report on Sky News that it’s going to be the end of the world on December 21st.  Why did nobody tell me?  I need to make sure I finish my Christmas shopping.  

I have often wondered why governments advise people not to panic but never advise them that the time is now right to panic.  Think this could be one of those times?

According to Sky:

British authorities have insisted they are prepared for the looming apocalypse and have issued advice on how to cope.

In the event that the world ends on December 21, the public should check the car, fit a smoke alarm and learn to make a fire.

The AA warned: “Before heading off, take time to do the basic checks on your car and allow extra time for your journey.  Local radio is a good source of traffic and weather updates and for any warnings of an impending apocalypse. Should the announcer break such solemn news, try to remain focused on the road ahead and keep your hands on the wheel.”

The Apocalypse is all very well but heaven help the driver who doesn’t keep their hands in the ten and two position.

Even the scouts are getting in on the act (well, they would, wouldn’t they, with a motto like Be Prepared?):

The assistant director of the Scouts said: “If you are a scout, you know how to light a fire, how to cook, how to make a shelter. There are probably going to be no computers or electricity in the post-apocalyptic world so get a basic essential guide, there are loads around in the library such as Scouting For Boys –  it was written in 1908 but it will still be relevant after the apocalypse.”

Stiff upper lip, a good cup of tea and a visit to the library, that’s how we Brits will deal with the end of the world.   What will your nation do?

Joke 627

10 Dec

From xmasfun.com.

Gladys as Rudolph

Gladys as Rudolph (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Did you know that Santa has thirteen reindeer?

There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.   That makes eight reindeer.  

Then, according to the song, there’s another five: Rudolph, Olive, Trey, Howe and Andy:

*

*

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows. 

Olive the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
Trey never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

Then Howe the reindeer loved him
Andy shouted out with glee,
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you’ll go down in history!”

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