Joke 631

14 Dec

Some Christmas quotes from searchquotes.  If no source is given the quote is anonymous.

  • Santa reads your Facebook status…he’s getting you a dictionary for Christmas.  
  • If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry: I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.  
  • Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.   Johnny Carson
  • On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I’m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won’t stop inboxing meeee!   
  • Look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?  Bill Watterson
  • What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.  

This next one is so sad, I had to put it in the middle so you didn’t leave here in tears.

Shirley Temple:

  • I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Back to the funny:

  • Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.   
  • Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.  Victor Borge
  • Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?  Tom Armstrong
  • Don’t ever worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.  Larry Wilde
  • Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.  

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18 Responses to “Joke 631”

  1. terry1954 December 14, 2012 at 04:14 #

    haha so hysterical!!!!!

    Like

  2. slpmartin December 14, 2012 at 05:08 #

    Oh these were so funny…well except the Shirley Temple one…that was just sad.

    Like

  3. siggiofmaine December 14, 2012 at 05:50 #

    Thanks…I needed a laugh…and a tear in my beer…poor Shirley Temple.

    Like

  4. Katharine Trauger December 14, 2012 at 06:06 #

    All of Shirley Temple’s childhood was sad. Read her book CHILD STAR.

    She only smiled because her mouth turned up on its own, genetically arranged that way. She even got in trouble in highschool for smiling when she was in trouble over lost homework. It was just her mouth, the way it turned up.

    If we smiled more, we’d be richer. Not. Our mothers would have spent it all . . .

    Like

  5. bevchen December 14, 2012 at 08:40 #

    I’ve seen a slight variation of the first one: “Santa saw your Facebook page.. You’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas”.

    Poor Shirley Temple.

    Like

  6. vivinfrance December 14, 2012 at 11:09 #

    These are by miles the best of your Santa jokes. The first cartoon is priceless.

    One thing they got wrong though – Jock is an absolute whizz at wrapping parcels, whereas I make a hash of it every time.

    I like the new verb – inboxing – synonym for SPAM?

    Like

  7. sharechair December 14, 2012 at 12:04 #

    Poor Shirley.

    Like

  8. judithatwood December 14, 2012 at 12:46 #

    Thanks for the morning laugh — I love that first cartoon!

    Like

  9. Grannymar December 14, 2012 at 15:17 #

    The jokes are getting better. Are you building up to something?

    Like

  10. vastlycurious.com December 14, 2012 at 16:38 #

    Needed that- thanks Tillly!

    Like

  11. robincoyle December 14, 2012 at 18:12 #

    Look how festive it is at your place!

    Like

  12. viveka December 14, 2012 at 19:43 #

    Hurrah ….. Linda has recovered.

    Like

  13. adinparadise December 14, 2012 at 22:57 #

    Love the Santa cartoons and the Victor Borge quote. 😀

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Note-Worthy Posts « Living the 1950s - December 14, 2012

    […] https://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/joke-631/ – A good and jolly laugh as you continue to prepare for the Christmas holiday. Am I the only one counting the days until I’ve got both boys home for a week? All day, every day, nothing to break up the torture? No school work to do? I’m going to come apart at the seams, I think. […]

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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