Joke 641

24 Dec
burbank christmas lights

burbank christmas lights (Photo credit: donielle)

IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS MESSAGE
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All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

 
Thanks to Viv for this, via her son’s Facebook page.

 

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12 Responses to “Joke 641”

  1. terry1954 December 24, 2012 at 04:09 #

    I was reading right along and taking it all in and then i came upon the baby and the manger scene. How tragic this is………….

    Like

  2. jmgoyder December 24, 2012 at 04:27 #

    Oh this is hilarious!

    Like

  3. adinparadise December 24, 2012 at 05:40 #

    I suppose I shouldn’t really laugh, but I did. 😆

    Like

  4. The Wanderlust Gene December 24, 2012 at 05:41 #

    Happy Christmas to you and yours Tilly 🙂

    Like

  5. slpmartin December 24, 2012 at 07:35 #

    Does sound like how we would approach those events if they happened today..quite funny.

    Like

  6. granny1947ranny1947 December 24, 2012 at 07:45 #

    Very funny.
    Have a great Christmas.

    Like

  7. theonlycin December 24, 2012 at 07:48 #

    Very amusing. Merry Christmas, Tilly. xxx

    Like

  8. Elaine - I used to be indecisive December 24, 2012 at 08:15 #

    Ha ha! The sad thing is that it could almost be true – health and safety etc takes things to ridiculous lengths sometimes. 🙂

    Like

  9. LoveHoundUK December 24, 2012 at 09:59 #

    Merry Christmas to you and thanks for keeping us amused x

    Like

  10. Ron. December 24, 2012 at 11:52 #

    HA! All of thewe are great. I only got about halfway through the first time, as I had to get up and check out what I thought was clearly the sound of some kind of hoofbeat sound up on the rooftop, but it proved to be only my imagination. I’m so glad Viv has such an imaginative son. Cheers.

    Like

  11. viveka December 24, 2012 at 15:45 #

    …. yes, Christmas can be tough on most of us *smile …. thanks for this big smile.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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