Pimp My Dog

13 Jan

My Dog Was In Season And I Was In Distress

It was that time of year: Molly was in heat and we had covered all seats and ourselves with old throws.  She spent her time licking her bottom and ignoring my reproachful and repelling looks.

I had never been around a dog in season before.  I can’t say I was in favour of it.  I don’t think she was either: she was confused and didn’t know what to do with herself when her tongue was at rest.

The Hub took charge, having grown up around breeding dogs and cats.  He is a great believer in female domestic animals having a litter before sterilisation, particularly when, like Molly, they have had a phantom pregnancy.  He found a mate for her in Bolton. 

Hub and Spud took Molly, primped and perfumed to look her best for the great ugly brute about to violate her.  The Brute was another Yorkshire Terrier called Toby.  Our own Toby is de-testicled and has never paid her any attention at all.  I guess, if you can’t find love at home you will play away….

I couldn’t go with them.  I felt like a mother pimping out a beloved child and I couldn’t bear to watch her deflowering.  The Hub, of course, took a camera – for a picture of the babydaddy, I hasten to add.  He intended to document the process, from innocent little girl to being loaned out as a baby factory to motherhood to having her beautiful babies snatched from her bosom…my dog, the pawn star.

Reprieved

My little girl is still virgo intacta –  being only eighteen months old, like any adolescent male Toby was enthusiastic but clueless.  He kept looking to the Hub for help but, even when the Hub lifted him on top of Molly, he couldn’t make the bat hit the ball, if you get my meaning.

Toby finally gave up but she came back exhausted anyway, because they spent an hour running and playing in the garden instead.

She was invited back next season, when it was hoped he’d have done some studying into the matter.

This post first appeared as two posts in January 2011.  

Still no puppies.  Toby never got the hang of it.

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14 Responses to “Pimp My Dog”

  1. vivinfrance January 13, 2013 at 10:10 #

    You obviously can’t teach a young dog new tricks. But we old’uns know a few old tricks!

    Like

  2. viveka January 13, 2013 at 12:27 #

    Poor dogs, no privacy at all …. neither – she looks stunning, your little lady – and maybe Toby is a late bloomer. Can you imagine having sex on demand – I don’t think it will work with Hubby neither. *smile – you should have turned the back to them. Better luck next year.

    Like

  3. terry1954 January 13, 2013 at 15:22 #

    I Loved the way you so delicately approached this subject. I was going to be standing in line for a cutie

    Like

  4. Grannymar January 13, 2013 at 15:53 #

    Well told story! Glad you reposted it.

    Like

  5. laurieanichols January 13, 2013 at 16:11 #

    How awkward for adolescent Toby, I’m sure that Molly handled herself with grace, poor dear. Poor Tilly, good thing for the Hub taking care of the breeding challenges.

    Like

  6. Pseu January 13, 2013 at 16:26 #

    You’ll have to find another dog instud? or do I mean instead?

    Like

  7. vastlycurious.com January 13, 2013 at 17:12 #

    Look online- there must be others looking to breed? Yorkies have very small litters. Initially we were going to lend out Truman but he was too tiny for other Yorkies.

    Like

  8. SchmidleysScribbling January 13, 2013 at 17:53 #

    Sounds like a former husband I know, or those Pandas here in DC.

    Like

  9. mairedubhtx January 13, 2013 at 23:53 #

    I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. Go to my blog to find out about it.

    Like

  10. Gobetween January 14, 2013 at 11:13 #

    I would recommend that you stay home next time as well. To guard the Malteser stash …

    Like

  11. adeeyoyo January 15, 2013 at 06:30 #

    I thought Nature would take care of it, but I doubt he will be any the wiser next year. Maybe he hasn’t any hormones. Did she flirt with him? If not, maybe she also lacks hormones.

    Like

  12. Three Well Beings January 16, 2013 at 05:51 #

    Some dogs are just just socially a little naive! I’m sure in tie there will be puppies! Probably when you least want to go that route!

    Like

  13. eof737 January 16, 2013 at 08:22 #

    Maybe Toby is just NOT into her… 😉

    Like

  14. Al January 16, 2013 at 19:46 #

    Just three words…..viagra for dogs!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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