Maybe A Break Is A Mistake

14 Jan

I’m halfway through my blogging break.  When I have time on my hands like this, I start thinking about myself.  Always a mistake.  Last time I had nothing to do, I set a few rules and general guidelines to make Tilly Bud Tilly Blooming Lovely, Inside And Out.  Tilly Blooming Lovely IAO is, I am sure, well-groomed, relaxed, affable, clean, and at peace with herself.  Everyone will love her.

The Rules:

Presentation:

  • Tilly Bud shall forthwith cease and desist speaking of herself in the third person.
  • I’ll stop the pompous balderdash as well.
  • I will address the next lot of rules to ‘you’ because the use of first person negates the funny.  Take it as read that ‘you’ is ‘me’.

Diet:

  • When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour.
  • Stop eating: you cannot starve to death in a morning.
  • Exercise is not the enemy.  Dance, be a flibbertigibbet, chase the Hub around the house.
  • Galaxy Bubbles are not an acceptable substitute for Maltesers.  Nor are Galaxy bars, Galaxy Ripples or Galaxy Minstrels.
  • They can, however, be enjoyed as a side dish.

Home:

  • Never miss an opportunity to clean.
  • The synchronicity of a dust bunny behind the couch and a vacuum cleaner in your hand should never be overlooked.

Computer:

  • Nothing bad will happen if you stay offline for ten minutes.
  • If your hand resembles a claw, put down the mouse and step away from the pc.

Family:

  • It’s okay to be nice to the Hub.
  • Really.
  • Just because your child didn’t call doesn’t mean you are A) a bad mother or B) he doesn’t love you.  It means he’s a bad son who doesn’t appreciate your stretch marks.
  • Dogs are not substitute children.

Blog:

  • It’s okay to be nice about the Hub.
  • Really.
  • Serendipity gave him to you; keep him sweet by throwing out the occasional compliment.

General:

  • Stupid is as stupid does: pick a side.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be a soft centre and a nut.
  • Really.
  • Forrest Gump is not the Oracle.  And that’s all I have to say about that.
  • Never miss an opportunity to laugh (the first point under ‘Home’ refers)

*

What would your rules be for a new you?

*

This post first appeared two years ago.  Tilly Bud has since learned that the rules only work if you adhere to them.

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23 Responses to “Maybe A Break Is A Mistake”

  1. vivinfrance January 14, 2013 at 10:40 #

    I’m sending you some blu-tak, drawing pins and a pot of glue. (belt, braces and safety-pins)

    Like

  2. bevchen January 14, 2013 at 10:52 #

    I love Galaxy!! It’s my favourite chocolate and you can’t get it here.

    Like

  3. jmgoyder January 14, 2013 at 11:04 #

    Are you back? Yeeha!

    Like

  4. restlessjo January 14, 2013 at 12:08 #

    I’ve obviously missed the point entirely. I hadn’t realised you’d stopped? (I’m always quick on the uptake but I’m sure your jokes have still been rolling, though I haven’t dropped in to comment lately) Smitten with the image of you chasing the hub around the house, Malteser box in hand. And isn’t flippertigibbert a delicious word? No, I know- not as delicious as Malteser.

    Like

  5. McGuffyAnn January 14, 2013 at 13:24 #

    Definitely worth reposting!

    Like

  6. laurieanichols January 14, 2013 at 14:00 #

    Are you sure that when your children get old and have a life beyond you that you can’t replace them with a cute little dog that lives and breathes for your hugs and attention. Are you really that sure? I’ll have to ask Molly and Toby.

    Like

  7. misswhiplash January 14, 2013 at 14:23 #

    as you mentioned Maltesers..I must tell you this… My friends in UK ken and Sue sent me two packets of Maltesers..posted 13 November 2012. These were for my birthday! 23 November.
    They finally arrived Friday 11 January…obviously melted at some time as they were all stuck together in one solid lump…did i throw them away? NO not on your life! Maltesers are in short supply in BG..so I have nibbled the edges, chomped off the loose bits and now I am left with a Malteser Bone…Have no fear..I will not be distracted..I will eat those Maltesers every single one. I might ruin what is left of my teeth but all in a good cause!

    Like

  8. mairedubhtx January 14, 2013 at 15:14 #

    I would change one of your rules. My dogs ARE a substitute for children, especially for my daughter who ignores me, or worse, is rude and disrespectful. They are neither. They are always loving and regretful when they do bad things. Sort of.

    Like

  9. gigihawaii January 14, 2013 at 15:40 #

    New year seems like any old year to me. No change here.

    Like

  10. SchmidleysScribbling January 14, 2013 at 16:26 #

    I am so virtuous I need no more improving. Ha Ha. Dianne

    Like

  11. Elaine - I used to be indecisive January 14, 2013 at 17:13 #

    Rules for a new me…
    1. be more decisive.
    2, don’t spend too long trying to come to decisions
    3. on the other hand, rushing into things is not a good idea
    4. follow rule number 1

    Like

  12. mary January 14, 2013 at 17:30 #

    Thanks for reminding me about the importance of a sense of humor and the joy it brings.

    Like

  13. terry1954 January 14, 2013 at 17:34 #

    I like this one you stated
    When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour. lol

    Like

  14. Grannymar January 14, 2013 at 18:37 #

    Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be soft and creamy on the outside with a light crunch in the inside…. just like a Malteser!

    Like

  15. viveka January 14, 2013 at 20:18 #

    …… half way through – I keep on cleaning then. *smile

    Like

  16. benzeknees January 14, 2013 at 20:51 #

    I think my rules would have to include:
    1. Get dressed in the morning (since I am unemployed I wear a housedress all day long)
    2. You are not actually allergic to cleaning, it just feels like it
    3. Taking your Christmas tree down before the end of January would be preferable
    4. Cooking a meal once in a while will not kill you

    Like

  17. adinparadise January 14, 2013 at 21:32 #

    Hilarious, as always. 😀

    Like

  18. robincoyle January 14, 2013 at 22:32 #

    You mean we are supposed to be nice to our husbands? Now you tell me.

    Like

  19. Pearl January 14, 2013 at 23:18 #

    I’ve heard finger do straighten if out of typing position long enough but who knows if this has ever been verified.

    Like

  20. judithatwood January 15, 2013 at 03:18 #

    Hi, Tilly Bright and Beautiful! My list is nowhere near as amusing or clever as yours, but here goes:

    Blog: Publish absolutely no more than 3 posts a day. Conversely, read at least 5 other blog posts each day. And stop worrying about what great work I will try to produce — this is not a contest, and if there is a book or other work in me, it will show itself.

    Home: No dishes in the sink at the end of the day. Otherwise, stop obsessing.

    Exercise: At least 15 minutes on the pedal exerciser a day — 2 15s is better. Walk outside when the weather allows, or inside, otherwise. Two wings times three floors times 45 feet each wing/floor equals all the room I will ever need to walk. Add two flights of 16 stairs each, and I should be fit in no time. Do chair yoga and exercise ball exercises five days a week.

    Health: Continue to work on refining my dining and portion sizes. Stick with the psychologist and try every type of therapy he suggests. Take my pills. Keep all my doctors’ appointments.

    I know there are more, but for now I’ll stop here. Thanks for the opportunity.

    Like

  21. marvaseaton January 15, 2013 at 05:02 #

    I have nominated you for The Reality Blog Award. Please follow the link below to accept this award. Do enjoy!!
    http://marvaseaton.wordpress.com/

    Like

  22. eof737 January 16, 2013 at 08:20 #

    A break won’t kill you… It’s all good.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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