I’m halfway through my blogging break. When I have time on my hands like this, I start thinking about myself. Always a mistake. Last time I had nothing to do, I set a few rules and general guidelines to make Tilly Bud Tilly Blooming Lovely, Inside And Out. Tilly Blooming Lovely IAO is, I am sure, well-groomed, relaxed, affable, clean, and at peace with herself. Everyone will love her.
The Rules:
Presentation:
- Tilly Bud shall forthwith cease and desist speaking of herself in the third person.
- I’ll stop the pompous balderdash as well.
- I will address the next lot of rules to ‘you’ because the use of first person negates the funny. Take it as read that ‘you’ is ‘me’.
Diet:
- When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour.
- Stop eating: you cannot starve to death in a morning.
- Exercise is not the enemy. Dance, be a flibbertigibbet, chase the Hub around the house.
- Galaxy Bubbles are not an acceptable substitute for Maltesers. Nor are Galaxy bars, Galaxy Ripples or Galaxy Minstrels.
- They can, however, be enjoyed as a side dish.
Home:
- Never miss an opportunity to clean.
- The synchronicity of a dust bunny behind the couch and a vacuum cleaner in your hand should never be overlooked.
Computer:
- Nothing bad will happen if you stay offline for ten minutes.
- If your hand resembles a claw, put down the mouse and step away from the pc.
Family:
- It’s okay to be nice to the Hub.
- Really.
- Just because your child didn’t call doesn’t mean you are A) a bad mother or B) he doesn’t love you. It means he’s a bad son who doesn’t appreciate your stretch marks.
- Dogs are not substitute children.
Blog:
- It’s okay to be nice about the Hub.
- Really.
- Serendipity gave him to you; keep him sweet by throwing out the occasional compliment.
General:
- Stupid is as stupid does: pick a side.
- Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be a soft centre and a nut.
- Really.
- Forrest Gump is not the Oracle. And that’s all I have to say about that.
- Never miss an opportunity to laugh (the first point under ‘Home’ refers)
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What would your rules be for a new you?
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This post first appeared two years ago. Tilly Bud has since learned that the rules only work if you adhere to them.
The Laughing Housewife 
I’m sending you some blu-tak, drawing pins and a pot of glue. (belt, braces and safety-pins)
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I love Galaxy!! It’s my favourite chocolate and you can’t get it here.
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Are you back? Yeeha!
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No; reposting old posts 🙂
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I’ve obviously missed the point entirely. I hadn’t realised you’d stopped? (I’m always quick on the uptake but I’m sure your jokes have still been rolling, though I haven’t dropped in to comment lately) Smitten with the image of you chasing the hub around the house, Malteser box in hand. And isn’t flippertigibbert a delicious word? No, I know- not as delicious as Malteser.
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Definitely worth reposting!
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Are you sure that when your children get old and have a life beyond you that you can’t replace them with a cute little dog that lives and breathes for your hugs and attention. Are you really that sure? I’ll have to ask Molly and Toby.
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as you mentioned Maltesers..I must tell you this… My friends in UK ken and Sue sent me two packets of Maltesers..posted 13 November 2012. These were for my birthday! 23 November.
They finally arrived Friday 11 January…obviously melted at some time as they were all stuck together in one solid lump…did i throw them away? NO not on your life! Maltesers are in short supply in BG..so I have nibbled the edges, chomped off the loose bits and now I am left with a Malteser Bone…Have no fear..I will not be distracted..I will eat those Maltesers every single one. I might ruin what is left of my teeth but all in a good cause!
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I would change one of your rules. My dogs ARE a substitute for children, especially for my daughter who ignores me, or worse, is rude and disrespectful. They are neither. They are always loving and regretful when they do bad things. Sort of.
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New year seems like any old year to me. No change here.
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I am so virtuous I need no more improving. Ha Ha. Dianne
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Rules for a new me…
1. be more decisive.
2, don’t spend too long trying to come to decisions
3. on the other hand, rushing into things is not a good idea
4. follow rule number 1
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Thanks for reminding me about the importance of a sense of humor and the joy it brings.
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I like this one you stated
When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour. lol
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Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be soft and creamy on the outside with a light crunch in the inside…. just like a Malteser!
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…… half way through – I keep on cleaning then. *smile
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I think my rules would have to include:
1. Get dressed in the morning (since I am unemployed I wear a housedress all day long)
2. You are not actually allergic to cleaning, it just feels like it
3. Taking your Christmas tree down before the end of January would be preferable
4. Cooking a meal once in a while will not kill you
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Hilarious, as always. 😀
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You mean we are supposed to be nice to our husbands? Now you tell me.
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I’ve heard finger do straighten if out of typing position long enough but who knows if this has ever been verified.
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Hi, Tilly Bright and Beautiful! My list is nowhere near as amusing or clever as yours, but here goes:
Blog: Publish absolutely no more than 3 posts a day. Conversely, read at least 5 other blog posts each day. And stop worrying about what great work I will try to produce — this is not a contest, and if there is a book or other work in me, it will show itself.
Home: No dishes in the sink at the end of the day. Otherwise, stop obsessing.
Exercise: At least 15 minutes on the pedal exerciser a day — 2 15s is better. Walk outside when the weather allows, or inside, otherwise. Two wings times three floors times 45 feet each wing/floor equals all the room I will ever need to walk. Add two flights of 16 stairs each, and I should be fit in no time. Do chair yoga and exercise ball exercises five days a week.
Health: Continue to work on refining my dining and portion sizes. Stick with the psychologist and try every type of therapy he suggests. Take my pills. Keep all my doctors’ appointments.
I know there are more, but for now I’ll stop here. Thanks for the opportunity.
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I have nominated you for The Reality Blog Award. Please follow the link below to accept this award. Do enjoy!!
http://marvaseaton.wordpress.com/
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A break won’t kill you… It’s all good.
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