Joke 665

17 Jan

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

English: A sleeping male baby with his arm ext...

English: A sleeping male baby with his arm extended (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your pregnancy is confirmed.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don’t bother practising because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?


1st baby: At the first sign of distress – a whimper, a frown – you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


1st baby: You change your baby’s nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their nappy every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.


1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.


13 Responses to “Joke 665”

  1. terry1954 January 17, 2013 at 04:16 #

    is this the truth or what!!!! this was so cool and so true, hehe


  2. siggiofmaine January 17, 2013 at 05:40 #

    You nailed it…tho once you are a grandmother, you can look at a baby in wonder all day long. ☺ You return them to MuM and Dad instead of hiding !


  3. jmgoyder January 17, 2013 at 08:20 #

    Haha – glad I only had one!


  4. vivinfrance January 17, 2013 at 09:12 #

    I only had two, but I think you’ve got it about right!


  5. robincoyle January 17, 2013 at 15:53 #

    1st Baby: Want to come in to see our bundle of joy, light of our lives, precious snookums?

    2nd Baby: Want to come into see our 2nd baby?

    3rd Baby: Want to come in to help me find our 3rd baby?


  6. slpmartin January 17, 2013 at 16:47 #

    This explains that first child syndrome I’ve heard about.


  7. misswhiplash January 17, 2013 at 18:38 #

    Dear Malteser Expert…these were so funny and so true
    love from Malteser Amateur


  8. viveka January 17, 2013 at 21:22 #

    Linda, this is top class … don’t have any children – but you nailed .. perfectly. Best of the best.


  9. brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR) January 18, 2013 at 03:01 #

    Isn’t this the truth! I was fourth born, so when God said come forth I came fourth! I guess that meant no work or expectations! LOL


  10. judithatwood January 18, 2013 at 03:03 #



  11. Grannymar January 18, 2013 at 22:23 #

    Maternity clothes, what are they? At eight months I felt like a hippo, so bought bigger bras and a straight shirt style dress. I took the belt off and hey presto I was fine. 😆 The dress was size UK 12 and the bras were………… 34B!!!!! No wonder the neighbours thought we had adopted.


  12. Perfecting Motherhood January 21, 2013 at 23:56 #

    Haha, so funny! I’m so glad I stopped at baby #2.


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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