Archive | 10:06

My Atheist Husband’s Joy

21 Jan

IMGP1931

The Hub got all the proof he needed yesterday that religion is a Bad Thing.

His nephew came to call after church, bringing his two sons.  As Great-Nephew 1 is only four, Nephew prepped us beforehand that Great-Nephew 1 had been learning at Sunday Club about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace.

Nephew: Great-Nephew 1, tell Uncle Hub and Aunty Tilly what you did today.

Great-Nephew 1: I did a picture.

Nephew: And what’s the picture about?

Great-Nephew 1: Cooking people.

 

Joke 669

21 Jan

Some thoughts on drinking:

Alcohol!

Alcohol! (Photo credit: Lynda Giddens)

  • Beauty is in the hands of the beer holder.  Anonymous
  • What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?  W.C. Fields
  • Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  Oscar Wilde
  • My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.  Henny Youngman
  • Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.  Robert Benchley
  • You know what alcoholics call New Year’s Eve? Amateur night.  Elmore Leonard
  • An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.  Dylan Thomas
  • Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel doesn’t go nearly as well with pizza.  Dave Barry
  • The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.  William Butler Yeats
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.  Stephen Wright
  • I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.  Brendan Behan
  • Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  Dave Barry
  • The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.  Jay Leno
  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  Ernest Hemingway
  • You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  Dean Martin

Source: all over the internet

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